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I swear to god I’m this fucking close to packing up my bags and moving to Arizona. Jan Brewer just motivating my ass to make a change and do all that I can do. Move over Tony Robbins because theres a new energizing orator in town and she goes by the name of Jan Brewer.

PS
Larry, Barry, and Terry are Jan’s imaginary friends right? Has to be.

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Bethany Storro was just trying to get coffee from a local Starbucks when a woman approached her and threw acid in her face. See photos of the victim before her attack and get more details on the tragic incident.

Bethany Storro, 28, was reaching for something in her car while she was near a Starbucks in Vancouver, Washington. A woman approached her and said ‘Hey pretty girl, do you want to drink this?’ Then threw an extremely strong acid into her face. Bethany’s face immediately began to burn. At the hospital they have reportedly rinsed her face for an hour, but say that the acid can burn her face for days.

Investigators believe Bethany has no relation to the attacker and are now on an intense search to find the woman who threw the acid. Officials are going door-to-door to find witnesses or any information about the incident.

How ugly is this acid throwing chick? Got to be a total dog right? I mean she probably is some gross ugly who just walks around with a gatorade bottle full of acid waiting to pounce on any babe who gives her the stink eye.

Fucking ugly chicks man, one second they pretend to be your friend and the next theyre burning your face off with acid.

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What the fuck just happened? Seriously can someone explain to me what just went on because I’m so confused. By my count this woman counted to 4,000, thought about fainting, backed that ass up, spoke a little spanish, then no one got robbed. Was that right? I think I need to go lay down or take a shower or something because I’m still confused as fuck

PS

The only thing this lady did right was hide behind that haircut. Chick looks like IT from Adams Family. No way a bullet is getting through that shit.

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Editors Note - Now that football is back we’re running picks columns on Thursday (College) and Friday (NFL). As much as I would love to give you my stellar College picks, I’d rather not see all my friends go broke. So we’re bringing in a college guru, friend of The Hot Glove, Danimal. If he steers you wrong blame him, if he steers you right remember what blog you read it on.

College football kicks off tonight which means all you degenerate gamblers out there (Big Cat) can stop betting on preseason NFL games.  As a former backup free safety for an average high-school football team, I’ve got some inside information you squares out there have never heard of.  I’m pretty much John “The Million Dollar Man” Anthony with my college football plays.  Let’s get to it:

South Carolina -14 vs Southern Mississippi - Always go with the Ole Ball Coach

Pittsburgh +3 vs Utah - Watch out for this Jonathan Baldwin kid.

Illinois +12 vs Missouri - This point spread has been falling faster than Obama’s approval rating.  Boom, TheHotGlove continues to be the most hard hitting political blog on the net.  Plus Mizzou’s starting Running back went all Big Ben on his girlfriend so he’s suspended.

Notre Dame -11.5 vs Purdue - Golden Domer’s are back.  For this week at least.

Michigan -3 vs Connecticut - Plus, Rich Rod openly breaks the rules and doesn’t give a shit, I can respect that.

Kansas St -2.5 vs UCLA - Favorite play of the weekend.  KSU’s running back might be smaller than Snooki, but he has more moves than Ronnie after housing a pitcher full of Ron Ron Juice.

LSU -1.5 vs UNC - Half off UNC’s starting defense is on the practice squad for following in Reggie Bus’s footsteps and LSU has a kid Russell Sheppard that makes Joshua Cribbs look slow.

Virgina Tech +2.5 vs Boise St. - No way the Bronco defense can handle Va Tech’s running backs

PS

Yeah I know this is way too many games to play the first weekend, but I need to raise money fast so I can import a couple of drunk South African monkeys to hang out with.  Just picture your boy Danimal walking into the bars with Mr. Teeny and Dr. Zaius.  Not gonna serve me another shot of rumplemintz, how about Mr. Teeny gouges out your eyes.  Won’t let me in cause I’m too drunk, Dr. Zaius will throw feces all over you until you wise up.  Plus these bets will knock your bookie out.

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Poisoning is the 4th leading cause of death among children in the United States.

The Spy’s Take:  Also responsible for that creepy ass scene in the 6th Sense….

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I’m not rooting for my arm to be severed off in a freak blogging accident, but if it happens, it won’t be all that bad.

Thanks to Dr. B for the tip

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Southington, Connecticut (The Weekly Vice) - Matthew Findley, a 25-year-old recently released inmate was back in jail Saturday night after he allegedly stole a cab that was hailed to drive him home from jail.

According to Southington Police, Findley was released from Hartford Correctional Facility at around 4:30 p.m. Saturday.

Investigators say Findley received a cab ride home, however when the cab stopped at a gas station to fill up, Findley apparently decided a taxi would be a nice low profile, hard to spot vehicle to steal. He reportedly made off with the taxi just five hours after his release from prison.

He was promplty returned to jail on charges of using a motor vehicle without permission, larceny and second-degree criminal trover. His bail was set at $10,000.

Matthew Findley got set up like a motherfucker. No other explanation. You dont just leave prison, take a cab home, and then have the cab driver get out of the cab at a gas station. That just doesn’t happen. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a cabbie getting out of a cab. I thought they just slept in those things and fueled up while driving like one of those huge air force planes. Whenever they get hungry one of their cabbie friends passes them a sandwich while everyone has to sit behind them in traffic honking their horn.  I mean honestly, has anyone ever actually seen a cab without a driver in it? No fucking way.

So someone needs to get Matthew Findley a good lawyer because there is no way this shit can stand. Someone wanted to keep this criminal mastermind off the streets bad.

PS

The only other explanation is that Matthew Findley was like Brooks from Shawshank and the thought of being without his boyfriends in the clink was just too much for him.

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How Much Free Shit Do You Think This Guy Gets?

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My only question is what the fuck is Family Stage? Is it just a stage where kids in khaki shorts and ugly haircuts face plant each other? Because if thats the case I want no part of Family Stage. Shit sounds terrible.

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