Donny Bondauce straight killing it with those nunchucks.
Back tomorrow with NFL predictions and some weirdness. Also look out for the o/u play of the week on Sunday mornings.
I would say have a good weekend but football is officially back so it is a foregone conclusion that your weekend will be outstanding.
See, people are always wrong when they call me a dickhead. I’m an asshole, not a dickhead. Bigggg Difference.
Thanks to meatman for the vid
Nothing really more to say here, that seal yells like a fucking man!
The Spy’s Take: Finkle and Einhorn? Einhorn and Finkle?….
Weekend Rundown 9/10-9/12
Television
There ain’t shit on either Friday or Saturday. Lucky for you Sunday is quite possibly the greatest day/night of television ever.
NFL Football - Week 1 - All day - Need I say more? Week 1 of the NFL season is better than Christmas morning. There really is no equivalent. Last night’s opening game was no barn burner but watching Brett Favre lose last night was pretty god damn awesome. And if you don’t have it, I can not recommend the Red Zone channel more highly. It’s a fantasy must. If you don’t have it, you just aren’t living life to the fullest. Sorry.
True Blood - Season Finale - 9PM HBO - You’re telling me after a long day of football, I get to sit back and watch the season finale of the greatest show on television? God looks onto me favorably. After taking a week off last week I am absolutely smitten for the show’s triumphant return. So many questions need answering. More importantly, so many more people need to die. True Blood’s season finales haven’t let down yet (fuckin Sopranos). Let’s hope they keep the trend alive.
Events
We’re rolling with a New York theme this week. For obvious reasons.
9/11 - All Day tomorrow - To take this segment seriously for a second (and for the first time ever), tomorrow is the 9th anniversary of 9/11. Most of you probably don’t have anything specific planned. I highly recommend watching the shows from the Nat-Geo channel that they have been showing lately related to 9/11. I watched “Guliani’s 9/11″ a couple days ago and it was fantastic. Depressing but riveting nonetheless.
Island Beard and Mustache Competition - Ok, I said that we’d get off the serious stuff, but I just can’t yet. Why? Because a bad ass mustache is about as serious as a heart attack. This event is going to one of a kind. If I could grow a mustache, I’d be there in a heartbeat. If you are one of those people fortunate enough to be able to grow one, I can’t see what you could possibly have better to do than attend this. Plus, you know that Big Cat will be there with bells on.
Lessons in scoring with girls - Brooklyn - Now, after reading THG for a couple months, you really shouldn’t need this. By definition, a Hot Glove reader is as cool as the other side of the pillow when it comes to girls. But let’s just say you happen to be a bit slow, this is for you. The guy who wrote the book: “Talking to Girls About Duran Duran: One Young Man’s Quest for True Love and a Cooler Haircut” will be answering all of your girl related questions. Check it out. You might learn a thing or two.
I guess every Russian wedding ends in a fist fight, you had this one earlier in the week and now this bush toss by the best man. I guess thats what you get for walking right on that grooms dick, trying to upstage the bride like its your day, no one is allowed to ruin the wedding except the crazy drunk uncle, those are the rules.
PS
I may hire someone to do this at my brother’s wedding. Just pay someone 500 bucks to make a scene so that I can piledrive their ass and look like a hero.
Everyone knows that if you crash a wedding the best man is legally allowed to murder you. That’s the law, and the law don’t lie.
STUART — A Jensen Beach man who blamed his cat for the crime of downloading images of child pornography onto his home computer was ordered Tuesday to serve more than a dozen years in prison after pleading no contest to 25 felony charges.
In August 2009, authorities arrested Keith Griffin, 49, and initially charged him with 10 counts of possession of child pornography. Prosecutors later filed 90 more possession of child pornography charges, with each count representing at least 10 images.
Records show Martin County Sheriff’s Office investigators found the images on Griffin’s computer. His explanation was that his cat would jump on his keyboard while he was away, sheriff’s officials said. He said when he returned later, he discovered the material had been downloaded, investigators noted.
After court, Denton characterized Griffin’s “the cat did it” defense as “bizarre.”
Fucking cats man, one minute you’re getting up to grab a cup of coffee and the next you have a hard drive full of child pornography. I’ve seen this happen a million times. Cat’s love kiddy porn, theyre fucking perverts like that. That’s why you got to lock that keyboard when you get up otherwise you could end up in jail while your stupid cat gets to watch all the free porn it wants back at home.
ShareGuess who has the Big Cat’s other turtle dove? That’s right the NFL. Hello old friend, oh how I missed thee.
Full season predictions coming tomorrow, picks today.
Carolina Panthers +6.5 @ NYG - Now I know the Panthers lost Peppers and have Matt Moore at QB but have we all forgotten the 41-9 whooping the Panthers put on the Giants to close out the old Giant Stadium. What has changed so drastically since? Game is closer than people think.
Dolphins -3 @ Bills - I’m so looking forward to the Bills being 1-4 and then pulling a mild upset week 7 against the Ravens while Chris Berman shouts “no one circles the wagon like the Buffalo Bills”. That saying just never gets old.
Bengals @ Patriots -4.5 - Tom Brady got his new contract and all is right in the world in Foxboro. The Pats defense is suspect but it won’t be a problem here because the Bengals don’t have a big play offense. This game will be ugly but New England wins by a td.
Falcons @ Steelers +2 - Betting on Dennis Dixon, scary proposition but I like the Steelers D with Polamalu back, and Dixon is a wild card that can keep a poor defense like the Falcons on their toes.
Detroit @ Bears -6.5 - WAM pointed out this morning that the Bears have a weird confidence that has come from seemingly nowhere. I couldn’t agree more except when you play the Lions, because when you play the Lions that confidence comes from playing the Lions.
Browns +3 @ Bucs - How much money would I have to pay you to watch every play in this game? I wouldn’t do it for a penny less than $1,000.
Broncos @ Jags -2.5
Colts -2 @ Texans - This line makes absolutely no sense to me. The AFC champions playing Week 1 against a team that can never beat them and they’re giving less than a FG. This is a don’t think just throw line. Just wait until Manning opens the game with a 10 play 9 minute drive and be happy you are on the right side of this one.
Raiders @ Titans -6 - If Vince Young can’t cover a 6 point line against the Raiders he should just kill himself.
Packers @ Eagles +3 - I actually love the Packers this year but with that said I am always wary of the “hot” team coming into the season, add to the fact that you get points in Philly and I’m staying away from A-Rodg and his mustache.
49ers -3 @ Seahawks - Why is everyone all of a sudden on Alex Smith’s dick? Where did that come from. The 49ers will win the west which is sort of like being the world’s tallest midget.
Cardinals -4 @ Rams - I guess we now know what Kurt Warner is worth in gambling. If he was starting this game the Cards would be double digit favorites.
Cowboys @ Redskins +3.5 - Another one of those “hot” teams that everyone is talking about. Redskins always get up to play the boys, lets just hope they got Jim Zorn’s stink off of them.
This Week 0-0-1
Season 0-0-1
ShareChambersburg, Pa. (The Weekly Vice) - Todd Crenshaw, a 27-year-old West Virginia man who was visiting Chambersburg was jailed Saturday after he allegedly mooned passing motorists before leading police on a white-hiney chase through several resident’s yards.
According to Pennsylvania State Troopers, officers were alerted when a naked Crenshaw posed roadside, mooning motorists by bending over a mailbox to show his buttocks.
When a State Trooper arrived and activated his lights, Crenshaw allegedly fled, running through several resident’s yards as the Trooper followed in his patrol car with lights and sirens activated.
The officer exited his patrol cruiser and pursued Crenshaw on foot for about 100 yards before Crenshaw met an untimely wipe-out on a patch of wet grass.
When investigators asked Crenshaw why he was acting a fool with no clothes on, he reportedly explained that he was upset because he and his girlfriend had been having problems and that she cheated on him. He went on to state that he didn’t know why he was naked.
Todd Crenshaw is just doing a little something I like to call “sending out the vibe”. Guy just got his heart smashed into a million little pieces so what better way to let all the lovely ladies of West Virginia know that you are back on the scene than to stand out on the side of the road showing all the motorists your rusty bullet hole. Guy is just letting everyone know that the bar is officially open and its time to get a drink. He’s sort of like an NFL prospect working out at the combine, just letting all the ladies see what they are getting when they draft Todd Crenshaw.
PS
Todd, don’t worry about that b that broke your heart, I’m sure there are more than enough cousins in your family to go around. I mean it is West Virginia after all.
PPS
There is nothing and I mean nothing worse than a fully naked fall. Way too many things can go wrong when you take a spill in your birthday suit.
ShareSo I’m trying to watch a little NFL live last night and parachute pants wingo is just dominating my tv screen. Seriously what the fuck is going on? Does Trey just have a bad tailor or does he have a huge cock and needs the extra ball room? I’m just so confused because those pants are not normal. Also, where the fuck is his belt? Shit straight up ruined my me time, and no one gets in the way of the Big Cat’s personal time especially not a pair of MC Hammer clown pants worn by Trey Wingo.
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