I’m so fucking jealous of this 3 year old its not even funny. Most 3 year olds just walk around snot nosed, pooping their pants talking like idiots, but not this kid. This kid has some bonafide swagger. Kid probably is beating women off with a stick. Probably has a little black book the size of the dictionary.

And that finger wagging move he did at 1:07, that was the mark of a true professional. It literally took my breath away, I can’t even imagine what it did to that little girl, probably french kissed the shit out of him under the slides  after this video ended.

PS

That girl in the pink shirt wrapped around her waist can cut the shit. No one’s buying your hard to get angle honey. Take a number and get in line.

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How can I not get this on my back? Its my destiny. I don’t care if it costs thousands of dollars, there are needs and wants in life and this right here is a need.

Only thing I will change is instead of “Loyalty” and “Freedom” it will say “Nic Cage” and “I Hate Florida”.

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Well Hockey season is rolling around the corner and you know what that means, NHL 94 is coming back on my sega genesis and I will take my beloved bruins to the cup.

See fat bastard was a fucking legend at NHL 94. I don’t mean like one of those avid gamers that can throw in and win on medium difficulty 90% of the time, screaming with excitement like that weird elk from yesterday. No, I mean legendary in the fact that my parents constantly had to buy a new couch ever year because the gaming seat was worn so thin I was getting my prostate tickled from the springs underneath. Im talking legendary where you can put it on the hardest difficulty and make me play as the Edmonton oilers against the west all stars and I would still win 20-0.

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Fact - Atari had to bury millions of unsold “E.T.” game cartridges in a New Mexico desert landfill in 1982

Spy’s Take - New Mexico just got fractionally cooler.

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(Newser) – Well, vegans, get excited: None other than Bill Clinton, famous McDonald’s lover, appears to have joined your ranks. No more Big Macs for Bubba: He’s now on a “plant-based diet,” he told Wolf Blitzer last night on CNN. “I live on beans, legumes, vegetables, fruit. I drink a protein supplement every morning. No dairy,” he said. “It changed my whole metabolism and I lost 24 pounds, and I got back to basically what I weighed in high school.”

Yes, he did it partly because he needed to lose weight for Chelsea’s wedding, but he was also scared by the two heart stents he had to have put in earlier this year. “I did all this research, and I saw that 82% of the people since 1986 who have gone on a plant-based, no dairy, no meat of any kind, no chicken, no turkey—I eat very little fish, once in a while I’ll have a little fish—If you can do it, 82% of people have begun to heal themselves,” he said.

Bill Clinton can cut the shit here. He didn’t become a vegan because of some “scary” heart surgery. Fuck no. Bill Clinton became a vegan because he knows that’s what chicks dig these days. They love those artsy fartsy earthy granola type guys. The guys that forego a nice rib eye for a crunchy leaf and a side of dirt. So good for you Bill, its rare these days that a man getting a little long in the tooth is still committed to the game. He’s like Jordan adding an extra skill every summer. Instead of a jump shot, Bill just added vegan to his repertoire.

Hey, if you ladies want to get all hippy and eat some grass then Bill Clinton will eat so much fucking grass your tits will off.

PS

Sometimes I get so fucking political that I even impress myself.

Come at me Greta Van Susteran, I fucking dare you.

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Can’t wait until PETA has a shitsorm over this one. Should be fun especially when ESPN gives us round the clock coverage.

On a football note though, this move makes too much sense I almost don’t believe it. Like what’s the catch Andy Reid? What’s your angle? You didn’t just flat out pick the better more accomplished QB? That didn’t just happen, we all know you too well to know that you don’t make correct decisions like that. That’s just not your style.

Does Vick have naked pictures of Andy on his computer? Or maybe he found out Coach Reid’s deepest darkest secret at the team sleepover and is holding it over his head. Either way, I don’t know what Andy Reid is up to but we’ll find out sooner or later that’s for sure.

Thanks to JR for the tip

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Fuck, I knew I went to the wrong Wisconsin University. Here I was thinking I was being all smart going to the big bad state school in Madison when I could have gotten my degree from Marijuana Pepsi Sawyer. Its like that movie sliding doors and I picked the wrong fucking door.

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Spokane, Washington (The Weekly Vice) - A 31-year-old Spokane man had a search warrant issued for his rectum when he allegedly refused to bend over and cough.

According to Spokane police, the man was pulled over for a traffic violation and arrested after police allegedly found a knife, marijuana, a digital scale, and cash in his backpack.

Investigators say officers became suspicious when the man continued to clench his buttocks during the arrest, so as he was booked into jail, they ordered him to bend over, spread his cheeks and cough - but the man refused.

Police went to a judge to obtain a search warrant for the man’s rectum; which was granted.

The inmate was taken to Providence Sacred Heart Medical Center where he subsequently searched to the fullest extent of the law, however nothing was found.

Way to go coppers. Way to really embarass the fuck out of this guy. Clearly what happened here was the guy got so nervous about the ensuing search of his burgeoning mobile drug cartel that he sharted in his pants. So then when you pull him over and made him get out of the car he had no option but to do the old penguin waddle while he’s trying not to full on shit himself. Pretty simple right there. But no, you have to go to a judge and get a search warrant for this guy’s asshole. Serves you right that all you found was a pair of shit stained tighty whiteys and some dingleberrys. Jerks

PS

I have to admit that in my vast knowledge of the law I had no idea that a judge could issue a search warrant for your rectum. Looks like The Hot Glove just stepped it up to Year 2 of law school with this type of advanced knowledge. First you learned about the coffee defense and now search warrants for your rectum. We’re like that line from Good Will Hunting…

“See the sad thing about a guy like you, is in about 50 years you’re gonna start doin’ some thinkin’ on your own and you’re gonna come up with the fact that there are two certainties in life. One, don’t do that. And two, you dropped a hundred and fifty grand on a fuckin’ education you coulda’ got for free at TheHotGlove.com”.

Buckle up, its time to get our learn on.

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Wait, hold on. I knew that Juice Boxes made you gay, but Kettle Chips? What the fuck is this guy smoking? Seriously man, cool down. Give us the facts like we, the american public, trust you to do. Just don’t start letting your own personal bias towards kettle chips enter into your reporting. That’s unprofessional.

PS

I’m pretty sure this guy has never met a gay person in his life .  I mean he thinks gay people just frolic around planting roses everywhere and anywhere. Hey asshole, do you realize how expensive roses are?  Get with reality dude, everyone knows gay people have to throw in the occasional tulip and daffodil to keep the costs on their floor planting revolution down.

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That’s A Whole New Meaning Of “Loving Family”

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