Editors Note - With Big Ten play starting this weekend TheHotGlove, led by schwa, will be taking us through the games each and every week. If you need a reason to read it, which you shouldn’t, here are two of them

1. The Big Ten is the best conference on the planet

2. Schwa knows the difference between things like your/you’re and their/there unlike my illterate ass.

So sit back and enjoy….

So… here we are.  The Big 10 season is finally underway.  And it couldn’t come any sooner.  Did you see the schedule of games last week?  Pretty much just a waste of everyone’s time - but at least it gave everyone something to do while getting plastered at 1 in the afternoon.  Anyway, I’ll have one of these for you every Thursday through the end of the season.  And this is no standard ESPN preview.  I don’t really care about stats or anything like that.  In fact, there’s a good chance very little of this will actually involve football, and that’s definitely a good thing.

THE MOUNTAIN CREEK GAME OF THE WEEK

#11 WISCONSIN @#24 MSU, 2:30 ABC

I’m expecting 3 blowouts in the B10 this week, so this was really a choice between the Badger/Spartan game and the PSU/Iowa game.  Personally, I don’t think PSU is that good, and each of those teams have already lost a game.  The Badgers and Spartans have been engaged in some pretty good games over the last 5 or so years, and I have a feeling we’re due for another one this weekend.  Both teams are running the ball like they’re going up against high school teams, so it will be interesting to see how they adjust when the D’s start loading up the box.  Vegas has the Badgers by a couple points on the road, and my gut tells me Bucky will pull this one out.  Grab a Creek and enjoy.

Speaking of Creek, I fucking love it.  Anytime you have a cheap beer with a high alcohol percentage, I’ll just about guarantee a few things will happen:

• Someone will bleed
• Someone will puke
• Someone might die

It’s also highly possible that all 3 of those things happen to the same person.  Sounds like someone needs to learn how to handle their Creek a little better.  And WTF - my mind was blown when I learned that they sell MC at Trader Joe’s.  Trader Joe’s is so fucking trendy - they sell all this fancy beer and girls get weak in the knees just thinking about their fabulous (their word, not mine) wine selection.  But if you take a look on the bottom shelf, you’ll just find sixers of Creek beggin’ for some love.  I walk this planet to give them that love.

LEGENDS OF THE HBO LOOP

As anyone with HBO knows, there’s a certain elite group of movies that are constantly stuck on the loop.  Here, we’ll highlight the best of the best - movies so awesome that you simply can’t say ‘no’.

The Rock

Not to steal the Big Cat’s Nic Cage thunder, but I highly doubt you’ll find anyone who loves The Rock more than I do.  I don’t even understand how people are confused by this.  Let me make this really fucking simple:

• Violence
• Horrible acting
• Over the top dramatic sequences
• Great cast
• Deceptively awesome plot
• Sex
• Stabbing your heart with a huge fucking needle
• A lot more violence
• Fictional chemical warfare
• An awesome mustache
• Melting skin

Now, you find me a movie that contains all of that and isn’t the most amazingly re-watchable movie ever, and my head just might explode.  In the epic car chase through San Fran, Goodspeed steals a Ferrari to chase a stolen Hummer, wrecks the Ferrari, steals a dude’s motorbike (with a horribly cheesy line thrown in), watches the Hummer crash into a trolley, and still manages to track down Mason.  At what point is that not enjoyable to watch?  And name another movie where people get stabbed in the heart with a giant needle.  Stumped?

Pulp Fiction.  So basically what I’m saying is The Rock should have been up for Best Picture.

(BTW, if I could dis-invent anything other than VX poison gas, it would probably be AIDS.  Or the WNBA.)

THE “I WOULDN’T WATCH EVEN IF I WERE AN ALUM” GAMES

NORTHWESTERN @MINNESOTA, OHIO STATE @ILLINOIS

If I were a betting man, my money would be going straight to the Wildcats.  Minnesota is bad.  Like, Little Giants pre-Junior/Mighty Ducks pre-Banks bad.  I can’t imagine that game will be fun to watch if you’re a Minny fan, and there are no Northwestern fans.

On the flip side, the Bucks are just gonna roll the Illini.  When these teams square off in hoops, I’ll be glued to the TV.  But this Saturday?  I’ll be in my bed watching The Rock.

RANDOMLY AWESOME SONG THAT CAME ON PANDORA THIS WEEK

Chamillionaire - Ridin’ Dirty

Shit, this song takes me straight back to Sophomore year of college.  I can immediately smell the stale Natty Light and hear the sound of shoes sticking to the floor after a night of beer pong.  WTF happened to Chamil?  I’m not crazy about rap, but I’m pretty sure Ridin’ Dirty was the jam of all jams.  And when this came on at work?  You know I got nothing done for 4 minutes (so it’s pretty much like the rest of my day).  They see me rollin’…

(Also, is this the rare time that a musician messed up the name to his own song?  This clearly should have been called ‘Ridin’ Dirty’, yet Chamil went with ‘Ridin’.  I refuse to acknowledge it by that dumbass name.)

PENN STATE @IOWA SUMMED UP IN A HAIKU

Overrated teams

JoePa needs to retire

No one cares who wins

THE BRENT MUSBURGER “GETTIN’ SAUCED IN THE BOOTH” DRINK OF THE WEEK

I’m of the belief that all announcers should just be swillin’ some booze during games.  I mean, most of the people watching them are drinking, and everyone’s a little funnier, a little less tense, and just more fun to listen to when they’re drinking.  This is probably why I love Musburger.  He’s old school.  He’s having a good time.

The first week of the Big 10 season calls for a celebration: Time to bust out the Old Grand-Dad.  Since it’s still nice out, I think we can take it easy with the 100 proof variety.  Best enjoyed being passed around in a circle swigging from the bottle, OGD is neither smooth nor tasty.  But it’s guaranteed to get you kicked out of the bar by halftime.  And just imagine the fun you’ll have yelling this all day:

I am so down with OGD.  Look for that orange label, man up and enjoy.

So there’s your primer for this weekend.  Do you care who wins between Iowa/PSU?  Are you excited at the possibility of Michigan losing to Indiana?  Do you love The Rock as much as I do?  Drop a line in the comments.