OCALA, Fla., Oct. 2 (UPI) — A police officer in Florida says a grandmother tried to avoid a drunken driving arrest by offering to make him a grilled cheese sandwich.

If Elsie Wright O’Conner, 65, tried the ploy, it did not work. She was arrested Thursday night and charged with driving under the influence, the Ocala Star-Banner reports.

In his report, Marion County Deputy Calvin Batts said he responded to a call about an erratic driver and pulled O’Conner over. He said he smelled alcohol on her breath and found two Skyy vodka bottles in her Cadillac sport utility vehicle, one empty and one half-full.

O’Conner failed a field sobriety test, Batts said. At the county jail, her blood-alcohol level tested at more than three times the legal limit of 0.08.

“Come on now, I’m a grandma, can’t you do something for me since I’m not that bad,” Batts said O’Conner told him. “I could have brought you back to my house and made you a grilled cheese sandwich.”

Can we get a little more information on this grilled cheese please? I mean how are we supposed to accurately judge whether this was a fair deal or not. First of all how does she cook it? Does she work that pan with a little butter and garlic powder? Is she using pepper jack? Or maybe a nice sharp cheddar? I mean that right there is a grill cheese worth risking your job for.

But if she is just throwing a couple of kraft singles on a piece of wonder bread and tossing it in the microwave then this grandma just titty slapped the cop in the face. Rule 1 of Grill Cheese is that all cheese is not made equal.

If nana wants to get out of this DUI she’s gotta show a little hustle, work those brittle vainy fingers and make a grill cheesed that will blow this cop’s dick off. Otherwise its an awkwardly flabby strip search and the drunk tank for her.

PS

Sky Vodka and a cadillac escalade? What did this grandmother rob the fucking medicare truck? Talk about rolling in class, when I’m that old I’m going to be chasing my oxygen tank with fleishmans and rolling around in one of those motorized scooters that goes 2 miles per hour. I’ve been way too big of a dick in my life to have the karmic good fortune of sky vodka and an escalade at age 65.