Why am I the only one panicking about the season almost being over? Does no one else care? People do realize that we are one short month away from the end of the regular season and another short month away from NO FOOTBALL. Then I’ll have to do real person things like laundry, and errands and brushing my teeth. Fuck that noise. If we can put a man on the moon why can’t we have football all year? Someone get Stephen Hawkings on the phone, that nerd bag can figure anything out.

PS

I think I’ve finally met my Microsoft Paint match - the football helmet. Holy fuck does that thing look like shit. Did anyone even know that was supposed to be a football helmet on Hawking’s face? Oh well, guess I can’t be amazing at everything, just most things.

Picks….

Chicago @ Detroit +4.5 - Uh oh is that Drew Stanton’s music? Why yes, yes it is.

Sidenote - Do the Lions exclusively take Michigan and MSU players as their backups? Little did you know Drew Stanton’s backup is John Navarre and John Navarre’s backup is Jeff Smoker.

Buffalo +6 @ Minnesota - Hey Vikings fans you cant complain this week because the team you’re playing is actually more pathetic than your franchise. Shocking right? But anytime you can get two teams that are a combined 0-8 in Super Bowls you can’t help but tune in.

Denver @ Kansas City -9 - The Finger Point Round 2! I can’t fucking wait.

Sidenote - Pat Bowlen, broncos owner said this this week “”I’m not interested in making a coaching change”, translation - I’m stilling paying that bronze son of a bitch shanahan and theres no way in hell I’m paying that dickbag McDaniels to sit on his couch and eat potato chips. Good times in Denver.

San Francisco @ Green Bay -9.5- Packers losing that game is bigger than people realize, now they have to go back into Atlanta if they want to reach the Super Bowl and no one ever wants to go to Atlanta, that city stinks.

Cleveland @ Miami -5 - I miss Jerry Porter on the Dolphins. Like who are the Dolphins now? They have no identity. There quarterback went to Michigan so you know he’s an arrogant asshole. Their wide receiver is a baby. What’s their deal? Are they now defined by their coach looking like Bernie Lomax?

Sidenote - I would pay all the money in the world to watch Tony Sparano do the Like Berney dance after a touchdown.

Jacksonville +3 @ Tennessee - So I watched this Miked up tape of Andre Johnson last week and its absolute shocking. 1. Andre Johnson has a really low voice and 2 That was the first fight in the history of fights with zero trash talking. Honestly, have you ever seen a fight where no one said a word? I mean yeah Cortland Finnegan probably was talking some shit but Andre Johnson said NOTHING. Just kept on trucking and then flipped out and started throwing haymakers. The silent ones are always the guys to bring a knife to a rock fight.

Washington +7 @ NY Giants  - The bad news is that we have to watch Eli Manning vs Donovan McNabb in the battle of terribly annoying fanbases. The good news is that after this week one of these teams will have no shot at the Playoffs and we can forget they ever existed.

New Orleans -7 @ Cincinnati - New Orleans has played the Super Bowl defending champions thing perfectly. They underachieved early, have an Atlanta team overshadowing them, and have quietly been playing some of the best football in the league. I can’t wait to bet on them in January when everyone forgets that Drew Brees and Sean Payton are really fucking good.

Oakland +13 @ San Diego  - Was there any doubt this video was coming out? Its raider week for Chargers fans. Break out the Kleenex and have mom grab her camcorder, we have memories to make people!

Sidenote - I love the ESPN radio show Waddle and Silvy but all week Tom Waddle has been calling it Norvember because Norv Turner coaches so well in November. And every single time i hear it I want to swerve into oncoming traffic and kill myself. Quit the schtick Waddle, you’ve got my life at stake here, and my life is worth at least a billion dollars.

St. Louis -3.5 @ Arizona  - Oh Derek Anderson Laughed, How dare he, what an asshole. Did everyone in the world forget that Derek Anderson is a terrible quarterback whether he’s laughing his ass of or frowning like a baby. His facial expression and overall demeanor have nothing to do with how much he cares. The guy clearly cares, but sometimes even caring doesnt stop you from sucking miserably at your profession.

Atlanta @ Tampa Bay +3 - Trap Game. My favorite shitty but kind of good team against Matt “I can win at home but don’t expect me to throw anything over 10 yards on the road” Ryan.

Carolina +6 @ Seattle - Could this be the face of a Division Winning Head Coach???? Why yes, yes it could.

Dallas +5.5 @ Indianapolis  - I said it last week but It needs repeating. The only difference between Peyton Manning and Charlie Batch is that Peyton Manning has Reggie Wayne. That’s it. They have the EXACT same skill set.

Pittsburgh @ Baltimore -3 - Hey Ben, see what you get for assaulting chicks. Broken foot. What a fucking idiot. Everyone knows the two are directly related, asshole.

This Week - 1-0

Season - 80-92-7

Enjoy your Sunday…