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I’ll be the first to admit I’m cold right now in my picks. Can’t catch a break. So that’s why I’m breaking out my extra rare Bizarro World lock. I love FSU in this game. LOVE them. Notre Dame is always overrated, they’re splitting qb time and FSU’s defense is a monster.  So I’m putting all my chips in the middle and letting it ride on ND. Bizarro lock it up.

Notre Dame +3.5 vs FSU

(source) Instead of knocking the burglars outside his house with a shovel like Macaulay Culkin in “Home Alone,” this 12-year-old did the safe and mature thing when strangers knocked on his front door Tuesday in La Mirada. He called the police.

As the Orange County Register reports, three burglars knocked on the front door and, apparently believing no one was home, walked around to the back yard. Meanwhile, at about 12:30pm, the boy called 911 and, according to Fullerton police Sgt. Andrew Goodrich, “was kind of watching from whatever vantage point he had in the house. He saw them coming in and kept the dispatchers informed of what was going on.”

Police rushed to the scene with lights and sirens, and the suspects fled in a pickup upon the officers’ arrival. A car chase ensued, ending with the suspects crashing into another vehicle and then fleeing from their car.

As the Los Angeles Times reports, the police arrested Deon William Oden, 23 of Los Angeles on suspicion of burglary, felony evading and felony hit and run. The Fullerton Police asks that anyone with any information on the other two suspects, a man and a woman in her 30s, to call Det. Michael Hines at (714) 773-5765 or the department at (714) 738-6716.

Fullerton police Capt. Dan Hughes told CBS that “this method of residential burglary, sometimes referred to as ‘knock-knock bandits,’ is becoming more common.”

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First of all, this is exactly why our country is going to shit. Boo hoo, the bad men came to rob me, I’ll just call the cops like a gigantic pussy. Anyone with half a brain in their skull knows you do not call the Cops. Big Mistake that will not only cost you street credit but also a million dollar movie franchise.

Second, and far more important, who the fuck does the fact checking at Huffington Post? Kevin McCallister never hit anyone with a shovel. I don’t think he ever picked up a shovel in the entire movie. Look, I may mixup your and youre and not know how to spell and not actually read half the articles I write about but I never ever would make a mistake like this. This is journalism 101. I’m ashamed to share the internet with the Huffington Post. There, I said it.

PS
I am eagerly awaiting a correction and formal apology

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Only the best moments ever.

PS
Whats with Todd always dating Trannys? Someone should say something to that guy.

(Source) This is the ferocious ‘Ball Cutter’ fish which has killed two men by biting off their testicles. A British angler has told how he snared a predator known to feast on the testicles of men. Jeremy Wade, 53, spent weeks fishing in remote Papua New Guinea after locals told him how a mysterious beast was castrating young men in the area’s waters. He finally caught the perpetrator: the Pacu fish, known locally as The Ball Cutter. Jeremy wrestled the 40lb monster on the floor of his boat and opened its snapping jaws with his bare hands to discover a set of human-like teeth. The Ball Cutter boasts an impressive set of gnashers, which tear off the testicles of unwitting anglers and swimmers, leaving them to bleed to death. Jeremy, from Bath, Somerset, told how he reeled in The Ball Cutter as part of his new series of River Monsters, aired on ITV next week.

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I always say, look at that fish, it looks like it wants to eat my dick and chew on my balls. And everyone always says oh Big Cat, you stupid dumby, fish are more scared of you than you are of them. In which I reply, oh yeah? Well what about the Ball Cutter fish? You think he doesn’t want to chomp on my testicles? Of course he does. That’s all he wants to do. He probably can’t even swim. He’s probably not even a fish. His only goal in life is to eat people testicle first.

PS
Seriously though, fuck god for creating shit like that. Total dick move G.

DECEMBER 27-A Pennsylvania man is facing a criminal rap after he called 911 to report that a pair of prostitutes had left his home without fully “servicing” him, cops report.

Police allege that Jerry Streng, 63, paid the women $400 and brought the hookers back to his Berlin home. As Streng told a cop, he hired the pair “for the purpose of ‘Smoking Smoke’ and engaging in sexual intercourse,” according to misdemeanor criminal complaints.

After Streng called police to report a robbery, an officer was dispatched last week to his home, where he explained that the “agreement was that he was supposed to be in the middle of both women while the three of them engaged in sexual activity with each other.”

Instead, Streng contended, the prostitutes got undressed, “started smoking his ‘Smoke,’” and “did not invite him in the bed.” He responded by disrobing and getting in his bed. “But the two women put him on the end, and not in the middle like they agreed to.”

Making matters worse, the women-Jacqueline Eubanks, 50, and Tonia Good, 34-“engaged in sexual activity with each other” while he was sidelined.

Relegated to the end-and not in the desired man in the middle slot-Streng was left to grope the breast of the female closest to him. But after that fleeting fondle, “the two females took his money and left without fully ‘servicing’ him.”

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Well it looks like we found the saddest story of 2011. Do you know how shitty it must be to order a prostitute sandwich and get nothing? Jerry Streng basically thought he was getting a Prime Rib at Morton’s only to end up with a half eaten burger from the McDonald’s dollar menu. I mean this is the holiday season right? What if Jerry’s only Christmas wish was to smoke some smoke and be the middle layer of a human lasagna? If he was 12 years old and didn’t get his Christmas wish we’d all feel sad but because he’s 63 we don’t care? Somethings wrong with that.

PS
I hope to god the woman pictured next to Jerry isn’t the 34 year old. Then my new analogy for Jerry is like that dude from Unbreakable when everyone dies except him. Don’t spend the whole movie wondering why you sruvived Jer, just wuit while you’re ahead.