“Its Getting Warm Out There, Wanna Take A Dip?”

I’m generally not into berets or anything that is even remotely French, but I’m going to make an exception this one time with the pizza beret. If you can’t get laid in the pizza beret you might as well cut your dick off and throw it down a well because its never going to happen.

(Via) Vase Details: Maria Shiver & Arnold Schwarzenegger ceramic vase. Handmade. Maria and Arnold are adorned in traditional cossack uniform of eastern Europe. Backside represents the Schwarzenegger’s four children symbolicly as horses. Collectible and unique piece for your home or office. 33″ tall.

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Part of me was thinking, nah, this thing is creepy. I mean maybe when the dust settles it would be cool to own, but right now its just too soon to be rocking the Maria/Arnold vase. But then I saw the back…

Now I have to have this vase. Because the only thing more beautiful than a vase is a vase with beautiful horses. Just so fucking beautiful I can barely stand it.

Ridin’ Dirty

I don’t get what the big deal is here. Its just a 33 year old guy looking for some college girls to be friends with. Nothing more, nothing less. Completely reasonable request to make over the Internet. People need to stop being so judgemental and start being more trusting. If its craigslist, you know its safe.

“Stay calm, Stay Calm, Stay Calm”

I can’t even fathom the amount of sex this guy has. That’s the definition of a panty dropping car right there. Fucking mario mobile.

(Newser) – The mother of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s love child has been identified as long-time family housekeeper Mildred “Patty” Baena. Baena, now 50, had the former California governor’s son some 10 years ago and lives as a single mom divorcée with the boy and her three other children outside Los Angeles, according to several publications. She quit working for Schwarzenegger and now-estranged wife Maria Shriver in January after close to 20 years with the couple. Her son is the spitting image of his dad, and looks like a young Conan, reports TMZ. She didn’t tell Schwarzenegger he was her son’s father until the boy was a toddler, say friends.

Shriver said her husband’s revelation that he fathered the child was “painful and heartbreaking.” The two split earlier this year after four children and 25 years of marriage when Schwarzenegger revealed he had fathered a child with a member of their household staff. Two of power couple’s children, Kristina and Patrick, have tweeted that while the revelations are painful, they will always love and stick by their family, reports the New York Daily News. Schwarzenegger is said to be financially generous with Baena, who lives in a large house with a pool, but Radar says a debtor has a lien on the property.

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I know I’ve been pretty quiet about this whole Arnold fiasco going down and thats really only because I wanted to wait until all the facts were out. Who the mother was, how old the son was etc etc. Because as soon as this story broke a week ago the only thing I could think of was the fact that maybe, just maybe, I am the love child. And how awkward would that be if I wrote all these blog posts that turned out to be about myself? Mortifying.

So to say I’m a little heartbroken right now would be a pretty big understatement. What if I had been living my entire life as a Schwarzenegger? Think about how fucking sweet that would be? And that is in no way an indictment of my real dad. I love my natural father. Best dad in the world. But I think even he would agree  that being the Terminator’s illigetimate love child would trump all the years of memories we have together. I mean really, how could it not?

PS

Ugh, we even have the same taste in jewelry.

Nah its cool, I fixed it.

Look, I know its just the angle and the lady is reaching down to touch her ankle but at the same time its definitely not just the angle. This woman has a foot for a hand and its freaking me the fuck out.