Everyone always says why do cats get a bad rap? Why do dogs get all the love? Well, its because of shit like this. Yeah this kitten may be only 1 month old but its a cat, it already knows how to hide and steal your breath when you’re least expecting it. Fucking kittens man, they start that sneaky shit from day 1.

What the fuck cat? Its Halloween for christ sakes, the greatest holiday ever created. Suck it up and act like you give a shit. Because this whole mopey, pretending to pass out act is getting old real fast.

Look at this DJ scratch. Just laying down some serious beats. Too bad he’s a Rays fan from Florida, which means he probably smokes meth and jerks off his little cat penis in Wal-Marts across the panhandle.

PS

As hot as this DJ is, thing still has nothing on Play It Away Cat.

STUART — A Jensen Beach man who blamed his cat for the crime of downloading images of child pornography onto his home computer was ordered Tuesday to serve more than a dozen years in prison after pleading no contest to 25 felony charges.

In August 2009, authorities arrested Keith Griffin, 49, and initially charged him with 10 counts of possession of child pornography. Prosecutors later filed 90 more possession of child pornography charges, with each count representing at least 10 images.

Records show Martin County Sheriff’s Office investigators found the images on Griffin’s computer. His explanation was that his cat would jump on his keyboard while he was away, sheriff’s officials said. He said when he returned later, he discovered the material had been downloaded, investigators noted.

After court, Denton characterized Griffin’s “the cat did it” defense as “bizarre.”

Fucking cats man, one minute you’re getting up to grab a cup of coffee and the next you have a hard drive full of child pornography. I’ve seen this happen a million times. Cat’s love kiddy porn, theyre fucking perverts like that. That’s why you got to lock that keyboard when you get up otherwise you could end up in jail while your stupid cat gets to watch all the free porn it wants back at home.

Seriously, what the fuck? Its like no one has any respect for a good old fashioned gang bang anymore. Back in the day it was totally cool to leave your cat or dog out when you’re having a train party at your house. But now. Now its like everyone wants to gang bang and steal your cat too. Fucked up.

I’ll tell you one thing, if this is a sign of the times, that you can’t have a nice little gang bang without your cat being ganked then I have no hope for my generation. None at all.

(CBS) When his missing cat, Lola, was found in a trash bin, howling in distress, Darryl Mann, of Coventry, England, checked the surveillance video from a security camera outside his house.

On the tape, Mann saw a woman pause to stroke the cat, then inexplicably drop it in the bin.

CBS News correspondent Richard Roth reported on “The Early Show” the cat was trapped in the trash container for 15 hours.

Mann told reporters, “I don’t know how anyone could, you know, go to bed and sleep at night knowing they’ve just locked a cat in a wheelie-bin; I just, you know, I don’t know what was going through her head at the time.”

Mystified by the random act of cruelty that turned his cat into kitty litter, Mann posted the video on Facebook, where it didn’t take long to stir online outrage, even death threats aimed at the middle-aged woman from the middle of England ultimately identified as 45-year old Mary Bale, who works at a local bank.

Bale told the tabloid The Sun, “It was a split second of madness.”

She explained to the paper, “I thought it would be funny.” And anyway, she added, “It’s just a cat.”

Now police and the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals are investigating.

Lola, according to her owner, is tired, but fine.

You know I want to be mad at Mary Bale and call her a psycopath and a lunatic but she kind of has a point. It is just a cat. Like I never even thought of it that way. I was kind of thinking of it as a defenseless animal that was minding its own business. Big Mistake. That’s how you start having feelings and stop putting cats into random garbage cans. Then no one is having any fun.

PS

I love the “I thought it would be funny” defense. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve used that exact defense. It never works but its always worth a shot. Why’d you throw that egg at a car? why’d you light that firework in someones face? Why’d you steal that beer? I thought it would be funny, and most of the time it is funny just not to anyone but me and Mary Bale.

PPS

If I had a mug like Mary Bale I’d probably spend my time throwing cats in garbage cans too. Its not like she’s choosing cat torture over the4th of  July party at the Playboy Mansion. Cat tossing is the only thing she has

In Case You Missed The Video

Thanks to Biffy for the tip

I’m not saying that lady from yesterday was right, I’m just saying this is why it happens. I mean have you ever seen someone more ungrateful for a birthday cake in their life? Fucking cat man, thinks he is better than all of us.

PS

Hey little girl, its birthday not birsday. Birsday, you just sound like an idiot.

I bet this lady likes Huey Lewis and the News too. Although Their early work was a little too new wave for her tastes, but when Sports came out in ’83, she probably thought they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. She loved that the whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He’s been compared to Elvis Costello, but she thinks Huey has a far much more bitter, cynical sense of humor.

(Reuters) - Cricket star Graeme Swann told a police officer who stopped him for drunk driving that he had had to go out to buy screwdrivers to rescue his trapped cat, a court heard Monday.

The 31-year-old spinner had been out with friends when he returned to his Nottinghamshire home and discovered his pet trapped under the floorboards, he told police.

He said he then got in his white Porsche Cayenne and was driving to a supermarket in the early hours of April 2 when he was pulled over, Nottingham Magistrates’ Court heard, the Press Association reported.

Police constable Steven Denniss said he decided to pull Swann over initially because he was driving a high-performance car in an area where there had been a spate of burglaries.

“Mr. Swann stated he had been out that evening and had come back to find his cat trapped under the floorboards in his house. He had gone to Asda to fetch some screwdrivers to remove some floorboards,” Denniss told the court.

“His speech was slightly slurred but he was compliant. He was slightly upset due to the fact of his cat and what had just happened.”

The officer said Swann, third in the International Cricket Council’s world bowling rankings, then admitted he “shouldn’t have probably been driving.” A blood test found he had 83 mg of alcohol per 100 ml of blood. The legal limit is 80 mg.

Swann denies one charge of drink driving and the trial continues.

Fucking cats man. Always causing trouble. If you don’t think this cat planned this whole thing out then you’re dead wrong. That little pussy waited for Graeme Swann to go out and have a few pops with the lads before he got trapped under the floor board. Probably got itself into a real tight situation meowing like crazy knowing Graeme Swann is the right type of idiot that would believe a trapped cat and get in a car to try and save its ass. Then when Graeme did leave the house the cat picked up the phone and called the constable’s direct line telling him to be on the lookout for that Porsche Cayenne. It was a total inside job from the word go, I just know it.

That’s the crazy thing about cats, one minute they’re all cute and cuddly and the next they’re framing you for Driving Under the Influence. It can happen that fast.

PS

Cricket is definitely one of those sports I could be an all-star pro at if I wanted to be. Its like being president or being an astronaut, just seems like one of those things I would dominate with ease.

Way to look like a complete asshole. You think you’re better than us because you can hear twice as well? No way cat, that’s not how it works on The Hot Glove, we don’t negotiate with mutant cats.

In all seriousness though cat, clean it up, because right now you just look gross.