Long, but worth every second up until 3 minute mark

I don’t think I’ve seen anyone go from tough guy to crying baby in less time than this guy did. It was literally 12 seconds (2:30-2:42). That’s all it took for mr. shirt off to get completely emasculated by the entire Swat team and National Guard. Seriously, how many cops were there? And they came in FAST. A+ job by them.

I guess that just how it goes, start shit in a subway and you’ll get your ass tased by a thousand cops.

PS

I will give the kid credit for having the line of the year (:57). “Shits about to get nuclear”. Too bad he followed it up with a swing and a miss. Kind of takes a little shine off the paint job when you follow up a declaration of nuclear warfare with a missed punch and then take 25 punches to your face.

Either way this has to be my new catch phrase. Next meeting I have I’m going to walk in to the conference room, look everyone dead in the eye and let them know “shits about to get nuclear”.

Then follow it up with an undwhelming performance you could only dream about.

Milton, Florida (The Weekly Vice) - Shannon Wriska, a 34-year-old Florida woman was jailed Thursday after she allegedly set fire to her husband’s boat, go-kart and Jacuzzi during a heated argument that began over a Jennifer Lopez movie.

According to the Santa Rosa County Sheriff’s Office, deputies were dispatched on a report of arson. When they arrived at the couple’s home, they found a partially burned boat parked in front of the house.

Deputies were met by the woman’s husband who told them his wife had set fire to his boat, go-kart and Jacuzzi because of a dispute that began after he watched a movie that starred Jennifer Lopez. He explained that his wife was jealous of the actress and didn’t want him watching the movie.

An argument ensued which continued until the couple went to bed, however the wife apparently got up and left the house. When she returned the next day, and saw him drinking, she reportedly began pulling hoses off the motor of his go-kart before allegedly setting it on fire.

His wife then reportedly took a swing at him and then left the house with the family’s dogs, stating that she was going to “put them to sleep.”

The husband was inside his neighbor’s home a short time later when another neighbor came to the door to inform him Shannon had lit his boat on fire and was pouring gasoline into his Jacuzzi.

Investigators interviewed Shannon, who stated her husband had lit his own go-kart on fire. Deputies obviously didn’t buy her story.

I want to defend this guy so bad but I just can’t. Because when you own a jet ski, go kart, and boat and then jerk off in your wife’s face to Gigli then you just have to expect to get your shit burned. Kind of get what you deserve on that one. Like this guy’s wife was probably sitting there pissed off that they were way behind on their mortgage and their kids had no braces while dad bought everything under the sun. Just pent up rage waiting to come out, then she walks in to see her husband going to town over a little Jenny from the block and that was the straw that broke the camels back. Torched everything in site. So like I said, buy those toys, neglect your wife, but just make sure you wait until she’s asleep before you have your private time with J-Lo, otherwise you’re just asking for arson.

PS

What do you think this guy’s face was like when that last neighbor came and told him she torched the boat and the jet ski? Guy probably cried like a little baby.

PPS

Hey Shannon, nice try telling the COPS your husband burned his own Go-Kart. If I had a Go-Kart I would literally kill myself before I put a flame to that thing. It would be the most important thing in my life hands down.

Well this made me feel better. I was really riled up about that Obama sexy shit earlier, thinking that I would have to secede and start my own kickass country. Then the internet, smelling my panic, just totally calms my nerves and gives me a video of two Russian nerds having a slap fight. I don’t know if you can even call this a fight. It was more like spaz sex or something. Just arms and feet flying with nothing connecting, throwing shit with those Russian noodle arms. Just no way Russia can take us with that type of fighting, no way.

Go pick on the Republic of Georgia Putin and let me know when you’re ready to hang with the Big Boys.

That’s One Shot Russia! That’s One Shot Kid!

Same fight I posted on Friday but with sound

Wait did that guy just say he has a lot of money on the game? Guess I have to change my opinion about that one because you can hit a 100 year old man if he comes at you but betting on tennis is for psychopaths and maniacs. Like it was fun that you bundled that old guy but now I’m worried you were trying to eat his eyeballs or some crazy shit. Just no telling what a tennis gambler is capable of.

PS

Where was the cameraman in the first video? I can’t find him anywhere. Its like the Kennedy assassination tapes, except instead of a president being shot its two asshole new yorkers bear hugging each other at a tennis match. Same thing really.

Well I think its safe to say this one has the US Open fight I posted earlier today beat by about a million. I mean I thought it was bad when old man river fell down one row until I saw this shit. Guys flying like 40 feet, upside down and shit. It was like the zero gravity fight from inception for a second there, people flying everywhere no one had their feet on the ground, guys throwing wild haymakers, just pure unadulterated chaos.

I guess this is what happens when Miami puts out a half way decent product. I mean you don’t want to die watching a 6-7 team play at the orange bowl, but a top 25 team? Well that’s worth getting your face smashed in and falling down half the stadium.

Those tennis crowds are fucking ruthless man. Just kill or be killed when you’re trying to get your ladies singles quarterfinals on. Got to have your head on a swivel out there otherwise you’ll end up like this old guy with a cracked open skull.

Seriously though this old guy has no one to blame but himself. The minute you start the fight no one gives a fuck that you’re some prune juice drinking, social security collecting old balls. That’s not how it works. You step into the ring and its on until the bell sounds. That’s why if youre old you really only have two options.

Option 1) Don’t get into fights. If someone talks shit to your wife who gives a fuck? You probably don’t even like her anymore either.

Option 2) Always carry a weapon on you. Knife, gun, shiv, brass knuckles, whatever. Just make sure you even the playing field with a deadly weapon.

Unfortunately this guy went for option 3, be old as shit and get your face smashed in by a kid 40 years younger at a woman’s tennis match. Option 3 is not fun.

PS

I can’t stand people talking during filming. It is the absolute worse. Dude, you’re not al michaels, you’re not Howard Cossell, just shut the fuck up and let the camera roll, no one cares about your in game analysis.

I honestly think its gotten to the point where we need Obama to do one of his public service announcements ala the BCS and college football. Fuck the economy, we need people to shut up during youtubes, thats the building blocks I’m talking about.

A Canadian woman faces two counts of assault for allegedly punching her boyfriend in the face after she thought he ate her sandwich.

The 27-year-old was held in custody pending a bail hearing after she slugged her boyfriend for eating her sandwich at their home in Chatham, Ont., CNews reports.

The fight didn’t end with the first punch, police said. The couple apparently continued to argue, and she attacked him again later in the evening before police were called.

The kind of sandwich was not reported.

What the fuck do you mean the kind of sandwich wasn’t reported? That is the key piece of evidence. You can’t just have domestic assault charges without knowing what type of sandwich was the catalyst, makes no sense.

I mean what if it was a chicken parm or a steak bomb? Then this lady had every right in the world to punch her boyfriend’s face in. If I had a chicken parm in the fridge waiting for me to get home and found out someone ate it? Fuck I would probably murder my entire neighborhood. Just walk up and down the street whistling with my shotgun in hand like Omar in the Wire, looking for the dude with a little marinara on his collar so I could blast his ass.

But if this was a grilled cheese or a pbj? Well then this lady is a class A lunatic and needs to be sent away for life. I mean yeah when I was  5 years old PB&Js were cool. But now, I can’t even look at one of those things. Shit is for babies. Maybe if you throw a little fluff in it then I’ll notice, but don’t be comin at me with a PBJ saying it’s a sandwich. I’m smarter than that.

If I had to take one guess I’m guessing this sandwich was a baloney and cheese on white. In other words it was the sandwich equivalent of straddling the fence. Sometimes a baloney and cheese can be the tits and sometimes its soggy and gross. Totally case by case whether a punch in the teeth was justified.

Boise, Idaho (The Weekly Vice) - John Olele, a 30-year-old Idaho man was jailed Sunday after he allegedly bit off his roommate’s nose during verbal altercation that suddenly turned violent.

According to Boise Police, officers were called out on a report of a fight in progress late Sunday evening. Officers arrived on scene to find and adult male with massive amounts of blood on his face and most of his nose missing.

Investigators say the victim’s nose was bitten off by Olele after the two got into a heated argument that turned violent.

Police reportedly searched the yard where the altercation took place, however the victim’s nose was nowhere to be found. The victim was transported to a local hospital, however the man’s condition has not been reported.

Olele was booked into the Ada County Jail on a felony charge of mayhem.

And if you were ever wondering what a felony charge of mayhem is wonder no more. I mean this isn’t assault, this is MAYHEM. Just the perfect charge for a guy that goes around biting off noses. When I used to get mad at my roommates I would slam a door and yell a little bit, you know normal roommate decorum. But biting off a nose, that’s called taking the party to the next level. You’re not fucking around when you bite another man’s nose clean off. I guess this is just how life is in Boise Idaho, they play football on a blue turf and bite each other’s noses off. Weird place all around.

PS

I wonder what the fight was about, had to be over a girl right? Guy probably got a little nosy about John Olele’s girlfriend.

PPS

You knew you were getting a corny nose joke so deal with it. It was either that or “I guess we know who has this guys nose”. Can’t write a blog about a nose eating roommate without throwing a pun out there, that’s blogging 101.

East Wenatchee brother, sister battle over butter

WATERVILLE, Wash. — An argument over butter in a macaroni and cheese recipe churned into violence between a brother and sister near East Wenatchee.

A 21-year-old man called police June 6 to say his 17-year-old sister had tried to cut his neck with the serrated edge of a spatula.

The police report says the sister was making macaroni and cheese when her brother asked if she was using butter. That led to an argument over the difference between butter and margarine. And, then butter battle escalated.

The Wenatchee World reports the girl was charged in Douglas County Superior Court with fourth-degree assault.

Someone needs to lock this chick up and throw away the key because I’m pretty sure right under thou shall not kill on the 10 commandments is thou shall not place margarine in the mac and chee. What kind of animal does that? Honestly. You’re eating macaroni and cheese, it’s not like you were eating a salad and all of sudden your brother was trying to use fat lard as dressing. I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure mac and cheese isn’t exactly a “healthy” snack. So wise up lady, margarine is gross, it tastes like shit and its healthy. You want some Kraft’s you use butter, end of story. Your brother is 100% in the right here and if I were him I would press charges and try to keep you away from any mac and cheese for a long long time.

Hey man this kid is just playing by the rules. You give that fake head butt move and youre going to get smashed 24/7, 365. Like I dont think I have ever even seen the fake head butt not end in a knock out. Its just an all-time street fight mistake. If you think you’re so tough just go through with it and let that head butt fly but don’t go pretending to head butt then pull back at the last second because you’re a coward, that’s a guaranteed ticket to get one shotted.

PS

How long do you think that guy on the right was sleeping for, 8 hours, 10 hours? I mean no way did they get him up, they just heard him snoring and we’re like fuck it we’ll come back for him tomorrow. Kid was sleeping like a rock in half a second.

PPS

The only thing I’m confused about is why this guy went the opposite way of the girl after he knocked both of these guys out. Like clearly she is standing there holding the elevator door open because her puss is on fire. Chick’s can’t resist guys that fight, that’s just fact.