This woman has to be on the Wheel of Fortune Take or she is a witch. Either way Pat Sajak has no fucking clue what to do with himself.

Well Pat get used to that feeling bro, because Ive got a great feeling about my totals today. Have some.

Dolphins @ Ravens Over 40.5

Patriots @ Cleveland Over 43.5

Season 9-4

PS

What the fuck is Rick doing guessing R with his second guess? What about an S or a T? Act like you’ve been there bro.

Don’t forget to “Like” The Hot Glove on facebook and send it to all your friends.

Why did the Titans sign Randy Moss? How does that make any sense? Vince Young throws a sidearm sling shot football that is either 7 yards too short or 10 yards too long. I would say this won’t end well but I can’t for one reason and one reason only. Jeff Fisher’s mustache. Even Randy Moss respects the shit out of Jeff Fisher’s mustache. So will Randy Moss be unhappy? No doubt in my mind. Will Randy Moss act like a baby? Fuck no, unless he wants his ass beat by Fisher and his stache.

Quick reminder before we get to the picks. I don’t know if you know this about me but I went 10-3 last week, so ….

Picks…

Chicago @ Buffalo +3 - I love that all of the games the NFL plays in other countries are absolute shit. Fuck the rest of the world, Football is mine and I don’t want to share. So take your Bears and Bills and love it because thats the best its going to get.

Sidenote - The Bills are better than the Bears. Sounds crazy right? But that’s how little confidence i have in this Bears team. Guess we’ll find out on Sunday because even if its in Toronto this is a neutral site game. There will be equal Bears and Bills fans in attendance and the Bills will win by a touchdown.

San Diego @ Houston +3 - Battle of the good quarterbacks that will never win a Super Bowl. This one should be fun.

Sidenote - Who is excited for the Texans to finish 8-8 and spin it as a huge step forward? I’m giddy with anticipation. Gary Kubiak must have some serious blackmail material on the Texan’s owner, that is literally the only valid explanation.

Continue reading “The Hot Glove’s Weekly NFL Picks” »

First…

No one, and I mean no one, need the bye week more than Chicago…fans.  The cliff is very close for most Bears fans after back-to-back home losses to NFC powerhouses Seattle and Washington.  Wait, those teams aren’t elite?  Shit, that means the Bears might not be even close to good.  Well the Bears have a chance to (momentarily) right the ship on Sunday against the worst team in the NFL [insert Chris Berman voice], the Buffalo Bills.  Bears-Bills, the NFL on FOX!

Sunday’s game could go any number of ways but, in my mind, there is one guaranteed outcome: this will be one of the worst games in the NFL all year.  Sure, it may have it’s moments and both teams could put up some crooked numbers but when it’s all said and done these are two teams who will combine to win something like nine games.  The main reason I am not excited to watch this ug-fest: there might not be five quality, starting-caliber offensive lineman in the stadium (Mike Tice included).  Expect a lot of sacks, negative plays and punts.  Let’s take a look!

Continue reading “Bears vs. Bills and Other Week 9 Thoughts” »

So all anyone has talked about this week is the NFL hits and how out of control they are. Like this is some greater societal dilemma we are all facing. Bullshit. The NFL will keep being a violent and physical game and everyone in America will keep watching. As sad as it may be there is far too much money on the line for the game to drastically change. Do you think Roger Goodell cares about concussions and mushy brains? Hell no. He cares about appeasing sponsors and giving off the image of responsibility. Things will die down just like they always do and everything will be back to normal.

The only other thing that struck me as odd about the whole controversy was ESPN’s sudden high morals on the issue. Everyone at the WWL is criticizing the NFL left and right. Umm, guys, I don’t know if you realize but your best segment every week is called Jacked Up, where 5 guys scream like Banshees while player’s get concussed. Sorry if I have a hard time taking you serious when you try to “enlighten” me.

But that’s how it goes in life, everyone is a hypocrite sooner or later.

Picks…

Buffalo +13 @ Baltimore  - I’m picking Buffalo here because back in Week 1 I said this…

I’m so looking forward to the Bills being 1-4 and then pulling a mild upset week 7 against the Ravens while Chris Berman shouts “no one circles the wagon like the Buffalo Bills”. That saying  just never gets old.

So I was wrong about the Bills having a win, but they’re definitely winning this game, Chris Berman is definitely using that saying, and my fantasy team is Definitely notching a victory.  The Ravens are going DOWN!

Pittsburgh @ Miami +3 - Big Ben is back and creepy as ever. Seriously dude, we get it, you’re sorry for assaulting chicks, you ate your humble pie blah blah blah. You want to know what will get you back in everyone’s good grace? Cut that disgusting hair. Guy looks like an oversized booger covered in crisco, gross.

Continue reading “The Hot Glove’s Weekly NFL Picks” »

Do you know who sucks? People who care more about their fantasy team than their real team. Honestly, if I have to watch another game at a bar where some asshole is cheering for his team to throw the ball on 1st and goal at the 1 because he has the backup tight end or some bullshit, I’m going to flip out.

Root for your team first, your fantasy team second. Its not that hard. If you like your fantasy team more than your real team you aren’t a real football fan.

And I’m not just saying this because my fantasy teams suck, I swear.

Picks….

Miami +4 @ Green Bay  - Memo to packers fans. The NFL isn’t fair. Injuries happens, shit happens, deal with it and move on.

New Orleans @ Tampa Bay +4 - Well it looks like what I’ve been saying about Carson Palmer was true after all. When Josh Freeman outduels you, you official suck. Nail meet Coffin, Coffin, Nail.

San Diego -8 @ St Louis  - Lets watch this whiny charger fan cry one more time…

One Thing I missed when I wrote about this video early in the week is the fact that this kid is wearing an under armour shirt. What’s up with that dude? You sit in your basement crying all day while your mom video tapes you. Pretty sure you won’t be needing that added muscle protection and sweat wicking technology anytime soon.

Continue reading “The Hot Glove’s Weekly NFL Picks - Week 6” »

Whoo doggy do we have a good one on tap tonight. I honestly don’t know if I’m more excited for the game or for Mike, Jaws, and Gruden to dance around the fact that the entire country has seen BrettFavre’s dick. Either way I think the only thing that could make this game really great is if they let Mark Chmura be that weird celebrity guest they let in the booth for a few plays. I really could use Chewy’s take on BrettFavre’s penis.

Minnesota Vikings +4.5 @ Jets

This Week - 5-8

Season - 31-41-3 - Getting worse

Totals - 6-3

You see that? Sunday morning, 7:28 Am, the whole world is sleeping and the Big Cat is up making gametime decisions. You just don’t see savvy managing like that everyday. Most people ask everyone in the world for advice, emailing ESPN and checking thousands of message boards.

Not me, I see a mismatch and I fucking capitalize, no time to consult the so called “experts”, my decision making ability is all the expert opinions I need.

And that is why I am a fucking fantasy master. I’m like Donald Trump out there, Philly D, boom, you’re fired. St Louis D, boom, you’re hired.

I don’t trust Atlanta’s offense in the Superdome and on the other side of the ball every defense is giving their best performance against Drew Brees. Take the under

Under 48.

Totals Of the Week - 1-1

Before we get going on the picks this week I just wanted to point out a little fact. Last week the underdogs went 10-5. What the Fuck? That shit is not supposed to happen until week 13 or 14 not week 2. Week 2 is supposed to be fairly predictable. Thankfully I’m a master at not only never admitting my faults but also deflecting all blame on to others. So the lesson as always is, its not my fault that I sucked, its the NFL’s. Fuck you NFL.

I didn’t really mean that, I love you with all my heart NFL, I just talk crazy sometimes.

Picks…

Atlanta @ New Orleans -3.5 - Saints got lucky to escape with a W on Monday night and their defense looks vulnerable, but I just can’t bring myself to back Matt Ryan at the Superdome. I swear to god his line every week is the exact same 15-24, 205 yd, 1 td. No more matty ice, its matty “Anything over 8 yards is an incompletion”.

Buffalo @ New England -13.5 - The Pats played one of the worst second halves I have ever seen last week. If they duplicate that performance they will win by 3 touchdowns.

Pitt -2.5 @ Tampa Bay - Chaz Batch Alert. Chaz Batch Alert. I fucking love Chaz Batch. Something about him just screams NFL quarterback. Guy can throw lasers out there.

Sidenote- Did everyone know Ronde Barber was still in the league? That was a complete mindfuck. I guess I kind of assumed that he and Tiki retired together.

Sidenote 2 - Who wins in a smiling contest Hines Ward or Ronde? Those guys just love to play football.

Dallas @ Houston -3 - This has trap game written all over it but I don’t give a fuck. I watched the Cowboys play last week and they Stink. Jason Garret somehow went from the genius of offense to a 5 year old doodling with crayons in a matter of minutes. Must be all that time he’s been spending with Shit For Brains Phillips. Dumb is contagious people, be careful.

Continue reading “Week 3 NFL Picks” »

First…

Raise your hand if you thought Monday night’s Bears-Packers game was going to determine early first place position in the NFC North?  No Lovie, your vote does not count.  Few, if any, outside of Halas Hall predicted this game would feature two 2-0 teams.  The Packers were expected to be here and have shown early on why many listed them as Super Bowl contenders before the season started.  Aaron Rodgers is off to a solid start and it’s only a matter a time before the Green Bay offense really kicks it into high-gear.  The defense, led by stringy-haired man-child Clay Matthews, is one of the most talented units in the league.  Despite the loss of running back Ryan Grant, the team appears to be right on schedule and all is good in the Land of Cheeseheads.

The Bears, on the other hand, are amongst the NFL’s biggest surprises.  I’m sure Green Bay thought they would have competition for the division crown.  There’s no doubt, however, that they believed this team would be the challengers, not the Monsters of the Midway.  Chicago has answered the critics and can vault themselves from pretenders to contenders with a prime-time win on Monday Night Football.  Here are some of my keys to the game followed by other random NFL thoughts.

…And 10

Continue reading “Packers vs Bears Preview And Other Week 3 Thoughts” »