….

And he has been kicking ass ever since. Heres to 47 more years, and 70,000 more incredible movies. One can only hope.

(NEWSER) – Nicolas Cage pulled a Christian Bale on Sunday, and now finds himself caught on tape going ballistic. Cage was in Romania filming a Ghost Rider sequel when he lost it outside a nightclub where he had been partying—around 5am, the Daily Mailreports. It’s unclear why Cage is so upset, but he can be heard shouting at a man and two women: “Get in that car and walk away. I’ll f*****g die because of honor. I’ll f*****g die right now.”

Much of the rant is hard to make out, but among Cage’s other lines: “Don’t touch me you little b****,” and “See my eyes—respect them as you’d respect me.”

Way to write a news story newser. What kind of shit reporting is that? I mean clearly these people did something. Nic Cage doesn’t just fly off the handle for no reason. He doesn’t make people respect his eyes unless the situation really calls for it. So wheres the rest of the story? Lady must have done something really bad and wildly inappropriate, probably something completely classless and immature. Because if I know Nic Cage, and I do, I know that he does not tolerate immaturity.

PS

Would it be too much to get “Respect my eyes as you respect me” tattooed on my forehead? Probably not right.

PPS

Nic Cage needs to hire me to be his PR manager. He could be punching babies and kicking handicapped people and I would find a way to spin it. That’s just what best friends do for each other, they have each other’s back.

Found Here

I swear to god this guy made this poster for me. No other explanation. He combined my two favorite things in the world, Nic Cage and Fine Art. Buying this was a no brainer. I literally tripped over my dick trying to take my wallet out to purchase this thing. Not to mention I’m pretty sure this is the perfect piece to sit next to my Dog painting.

So go ahead nerds, invest in your IPOs and stocks and bonds. I’ll just be sitting on my million dollar art collection, laughing all the way to the bank.

Well well well, if it isn’t the greatest actor of all time coming out with another bonafide hit. Looks like all the haters can fuck off because Nic Cage is back on the scene.

So what if this movie looks like Gone in 60 Seconds, Ghost Rider, Lord of War, and a little sprinkle of Family Man all rolled up into one. All those movies were awesome, so by simple math this movie will blow your tits off.

It’s good to have you back Nic, it really is.

PS

If anyone sees Nic any time soon make sure to snap a picture of him reading the new Hot Glove. All I have is this old version and I know he’s been all up in the new design, I just know it.

(Newser) – Sorcery and abbeys apparently don’t mix. Managers of Britain’s 7th Century Glastonbury Abbey have apologized to an angry public for letting Nicolas Cage film an interview at the church to promote his movie The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. Cage, who owns a home nearby, personally requested the site for an interview on the Jimmy Kimmel Show aired last month, with Kimmel “summoning” the actor by waving a wand. ”I am here in the very magical and sacred Glastonbury Abbey,” said Cage as he hyped the movie in which he plays a master sorcerer.

”I was horrified and disgusted to find that he was let into Glastonbury Abbey in the middle of the night to promote his latest film,” a church member told the Telegraph. “This film is full of sorcery, witchcraft and black magic. It’s offensive to broadcast from a religious place. Glastonbury Abbey first and foremost is a church and a place of worship.” An Abbey spokesman issued an apology to “anyone offended” by the filming, and said the crew took care not to damage anything and helped promote the site to American visitors.

Hey Glastonbury Abbey, grow up dude. Seriously, who do these people think they are? Acting all shocked when they are lucky enough to be around the greatest actor of all time. How is that offensive? Oh so Nic Cage does a couple of awesome magic tricks maybe makes a couple of witches tits fall off. Big deal. Newsflash, Nic Cage just put you’re sorry asses on the map because before this morning I had never heard of Glastonbury Abbery but I sure as fuck had heard of Nicolas Kim Coppola Cage.

I’m all fired up about this. Do people even realize who we are talking about here? This isn’t some no-name actor like Brando or De-Niro, we’re talking Nicolas fucking Cage here. He can go sleep in King Tut’s tomb for all I care. This is Nic Cage’s world and we’re all just lucky to be living in it.

I think I got hacked, because for about 20 minutes there the world stopped and THG wasn’t loading on my browser. Oh well, sucks for any hackers out there because I have a computer genius on retainer.

Suck It, internet.

See, now do people understand why Nic Cage is the greatest actor of all time. I mean you don’t hear George Clooney or Tom Hanks partying with their pets. No fucking way, those guys are all such prudes.

But not Nic. Nic thinks outside the box. No one to party with? No problem, just feed your cat some boomers. And that my friends is why he is the best. He is operating at a totally different level than the rest of us. He and louis just tripping balls thinking about being awesome and doing awesome stuff.

I bet getting high with your pets will be the next big thing in about 2-3 years. It will be like the new yugio cards or pokemon with kids, getting fucked up with the family dog. That’s how cutting edge Nic Cage is.

PS

Nic if I find out you were also banging this cat it will really test my loyalty. I’ll still think youre the best, just know that it will cause me to pause for a split second.

PPS

I hope Nic buried louis in his tomb so that he can get high with him for all of eternity.

Nic Cage Netflix

See this is why I love the internet with all my heart. Some saint out there said, you know what we don’t have, an easy way for people to see more Nic Cage. Boom, site get’s made.

And if you think I didnt hit this button and fire up my queue you have lost your goddamn mind, I’m going to be watching Nic all day every day.

Now excuse me while I get ready for my Nic-Fest with some chocolate cake, I WANT THAT CAKE!

Thanks to Biffy, my co-president of the Nic Cage fan club, for the tip

British tabloid The Sun is thrilled to reveal Nicolas Cage only eats animals whose sex lives he can respect.

“I actually choose the way I eat according to the way animals have sex,” Cage tells the tabloid
Cage feels fish and birds are “very dignified” in their sexual pursuits. “But pigs, not so much. So I don’t eat pig meat or things like that. I eat fish and fowl.”

“I love all animals,” Cage says. The Sun points out he sports a tattoo of a lizard wearing a top hat and once owned an octopus as a pet. The 46-year-old also purchased a two-headed snake while filming ‘Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans,’ a movie that features a notoriously strange scene with iguanas.

“I met the snake and said, ‘Maybe this will be my bodyguard in New Orleans.’”

Well is anyone really surprised by this? I mean once again Nic Cage is just blowing your mind by coming up with standards to live by that everyone in the world should start following.  The guy is like the Dahlai Lama only he acts his ball’s off every time he’s on the silver screen.

Seriously, this just makes so much sense. You only eat animals that know how to fuck right. None of this nasty pig sex, just mashing their pig gennies all up against each other, gross.

I’m actually thinking about extending this to the rest of my life. Like from this point forward I’m only jerking off to porn stars I respect. So Goodbye Nikki Benz and Rachel Roxxx, I saw your stance on animal fur and frankly I’m disgusted.

PS
Nic Cage has a 2 headed snake bodyguard and a tattoo of a lizard with a top hat on. I’ll give someone a million dollars if they find me anyone even 1/billionth as cool as Nic Cage.*

*You can’t say me, that’s cheating.

HOLLYWOOD star Nicolas Cage is still spending big, despite his recent money woes.

The actor has purchased a lavish, pyramid-shaped tomb to serve as his final resting place, entertainment website TMZ reports.

Cage had the nine-foot crypt erected in a New Orleans cemetery. The grave resembles the pyramid symbol that appeared on the poster for Cage’s 2004 adventure film National Treasure.

Cage is suing his former business manager, whom he claims drove him down a road to financial ruin.

Last week, the actor lost two adjacent Malibu, California, properties and his Bel Air home to the bank. He lost two New Orleans houses to foreclosure in November, and his Las Vegas mansion was sold at auction in January.

Cage reportedly owes the IRS approximately $13 million in unpaid back taxes.

When I first read this I got hard in about a half a second, that’s how fucking pumped I was, like just uncontrollable ejaculate everywhere. I mean this is hands down the coolest thing my favorite actor of all time has done, and yes I am counting the time he disabled the VX gas missiles and the time he forced the doctor to give him Sean Archer’s face.

So what if Nic Cage is broke and bankrupt, dude still knows how to ball. Now he’s going to be pimping in the afterlife too, just straight chilling in his pyramid. I mean did you really think a regular gravestone and normal funeral would be good enough for the greatest actor of our generation? I sure as hell didn’t. Now Nic has made what will be one of the saddest days in the history of the world a celebration. He’s turned water into wine.

The only downside to this whole tomb/pyramid thing is that I now have to write a formal letter to Nic asking if he will legally adopt me so that I can be part of his awesomeness, and I fucking hate writing letters.

PS

Nic, give me a call bro, we need to talk about this shady financial planner you had, dude sounds like a bad seed. We all know theres no way you could go bankrupt without some serious bad advice.