Was that the best Garbage time cover of all time last night? Had to be. There was no reason for that touchdown, none. But thats what happens when everyone and the pope bets on one side, they lose. And I’m not saying the NFL is fixed because I would never in a million years criticize my BEST FRIEND. But if you were to make the argument that the fix was on, last night is a pretty good place to start. The Colts one, they deserved to win, and Vegas won because the Titans covered with o seconds left. Oh and I won too because like I said yesterday I have an awesome genetic makeup.

Picks…

Cincinnati +8.5 @ Pittsburgh - Like I said on Sunday night, Big Ben breaking his nose doesn’t really matter. Its not like Brad Pitt just broke his nose. Big Ben is ugly as fuck. Who knows, that nose break might even help him out, maybe he’ll get a girl without physical coercion. *fingers crossed*

Sidenote - THG friend RV passed along this quote from Big Ben’s Doctor.

“Ben’s Nose looked like corn flakes”

I have no fucking clue how a nose could look like a breakfast cereal but I like it anyway. Fucking Corn flakes face, all he does is assault chicks.

Atlanta @ Carolina +7.5 - Ok I think I realized why the Falcons are playing well. I keep hating on Matt Ryan and my hate fuels his quarterbacking skills. That has to be it. So lets go the other way. 3 Facts about Matt Ryan

Fact 1 - The mysterious “computer” that does the BCS rankings is actually Matt Ryan

Fact 2 - Matt Ryan once gave a hand job to an electric eel.

Fact 3 - Matt Ryan flies in a private jet made entirely out of human skulls.

That should do it, now can the Panthers please cover a spread? I just can’t quit John Fox and his carousel of terrible quarterbacks.

Continue reading “The Hot Glove’s Weekly Picks - Week 14” »

Why am I the only one panicking about the season almost being over? Does no one else care? People do realize that we are one short month away from the end of the regular season and another short month away from NO FOOTBALL. Then I’ll have to do real person things like laundry, and errands and brushing my teeth. Fuck that noise. If we can put a man on the moon why can’t we have football all year? Someone get Stephen Hawkings on the phone, that nerd bag can figure anything out.

PS

I think I’ve finally met my Microsoft Paint match - the football helmet. Holy fuck does that thing look like shit. Did anyone even know that was supposed to be a football helmet on Hawking’s face? Oh well, guess I can’t be amazing at everything, just most things.

Picks….

Chicago @ Detroit +4.5 - Uh oh is that Drew Stanton’s music? Why yes, yes it is.

Sidenote - Do the Lions exclusively take Michigan and MSU players as their backups? Little did you know Drew Stanton’s backup is John Navarre and John Navarre’s backup is Jeff Smoker.

Buffalo +6 @ Minnesota - Hey Vikings fans you cant complain this week because the team you’re playing is actually more pathetic than your franchise. Shocking right? But anytime you can get two teams that are a combined 0-8 in Super Bowls you can’t help but tune in.

Denver @ Kansas City -9 - The Finger Point Round 2! I can’t fucking wait.

Sidenote - Pat Bowlen, broncos owner said this this week “”I’m not interested in making a coaching change”, translation - I’m stilling paying that bronze son of a bitch shanahan and theres no way in hell I’m paying that dickbag McDaniels to sit on his couch and eat potato chips. Good times in Denver.

Continue reading “The Hot Glove’s Week 13 NFL Picks” »

Don’t forget to “Like” The Hot Glove on facebook and send it to all your friends.

Why did the Titans sign Randy Moss? How does that make any sense? Vince Young throws a sidearm sling shot football that is either 7 yards too short or 10 yards too long. I would say this won’t end well but I can’t for one reason and one reason only. Jeff Fisher’s mustache. Even Randy Moss respects the shit out of Jeff Fisher’s mustache. So will Randy Moss be unhappy? No doubt in my mind. Will Randy Moss act like a baby? Fuck no, unless he wants his ass beat by Fisher and his stache.

Quick reminder before we get to the picks. I don’t know if you know this about me but I went 10-3 last week, so ….

Picks…

Chicago @ Buffalo +3 - I love that all of the games the NFL plays in other countries are absolute shit. Fuck the rest of the world, Football is mine and I don’t want to share. So take your Bears and Bills and love it because thats the best its going to get.

Sidenote - The Bills are better than the Bears. Sounds crazy right? But that’s how little confidence i have in this Bears team. Guess we’ll find out on Sunday because even if its in Toronto this is a neutral site game. There will be equal Bears and Bills fans in attendance and the Bills will win by a touchdown.

San Diego @ Houston +3 - Battle of the good quarterbacks that will never win a Super Bowl. This one should be fun.

Sidenote - Who is excited for the Texans to finish 8-8 and spin it as a huge step forward? I’m giddy with anticipation. Gary Kubiak must have some serious blackmail material on the Texan’s owner, that is literally the only valid explanation.

Continue reading “The Hot Glove’s Weekly NFL Picks” »

Props to Big Cat for getting the week started off right last night.  The Hot Glove making peoples rent payments yet again with last weeks picks.  Get ready because we’re about to do it again:

Kansas +3 vs Kansas St.

South Florida +10 vs West Virginia

Cincinnati -2.5 vs Louisville

Syracuse -1 vs Pittsburgh

Illinois +7 vs Michigan St.

Washington -1 vs Oregon St.

Wisconsin +4 vs Ohio St.

Auburn -4 vs Arkansas

Hawaii +7 vs Nevada

Last week 5-1

Season 29-11-3

Well, obviously The Hot Glove has been raping your bookie with our college football plays.  Hide ya kids, hide ya wife, and hide ya bookie from this weeks picks:

Kansas St. +11 vs Nebraska

Rutgers +6 vs UConn

Illinois +7.5 vs Penn St

Michigan St. +4 vs Michigan

Minnesota +22 vs Wisconsin

Arkansas -5.5 vs Texas A&M

Last Week 6-2-1

Season 24-10-3

The Hot Glove is taking its weekly picks show on the road this week to beautiful Bloomington, Indiana.  That’s right your boy Danimal is going to the IU vs. Michigan game to see the Hoosiers trounce the most overrated team in the country, the Michigan Wolverines.   I’ll be collecting all the inside info you people have come to expect.  I’m talking interviewing players, slapping Rich Rodriguez in his smug face, and spitting game at ESPN’s newest minx Jenn Brown.  Might have to make a keyhole video of her if she’s staying at the Motel 6 like I am.  Here’s this week’s picks:

Oklahoma St. -3 vs Texas A&M

Utah St. +5 vs BYU

Indiana +10.5 vs Michigan

UConn -7.5 vs Vanderbilt

Virginia Tech -4 vs NC State

Air Force -10 vs Navy

Illinois +17.5 vs. Ohio St.

Penn St. +7 vs Iowa

Oregon -7 vs Stanford

PS

When I say I’m going to the game, I really mean I’ll be supporting the team from the tailgate field.   Got my portable tailgate all setup, keg tub filled with Keystone Light and Rumplemintz, and am ready to spit game at the new freshman chicks.

Last Week 3-4

Season 18-8-2

Before we get going on the picks this week I just wanted to point out a little fact. Last week the underdogs went 10-5. What the Fuck? That shit is not supposed to happen until week 13 or 14 not week 2. Week 2 is supposed to be fairly predictable. Thankfully I’m a master at not only never admitting my faults but also deflecting all blame on to others. So the lesson as always is, its not my fault that I sucked, its the NFL’s. Fuck you NFL.

I didn’t really mean that, I love you with all my heart NFL, I just talk crazy sometimes.

Picks…

Atlanta @ New Orleans -3.5 - Saints got lucky to escape with a W on Monday night and their defense looks vulnerable, but I just can’t bring myself to back Matt Ryan at the Superdome. I swear to god his line every week is the exact same 15-24, 205 yd, 1 td. No more matty ice, its matty “Anything over 8 yards is an incompletion”.

Buffalo @ New England -13.5 - The Pats played one of the worst second halves I have ever seen last week. If they duplicate that performance they will win by 3 touchdowns.

Pitt -2.5 @ Tampa Bay - Chaz Batch Alert. Chaz Batch Alert. I fucking love Chaz Batch. Something about him just screams NFL quarterback. Guy can throw lasers out there.

Sidenote- Did everyone know Ronde Barber was still in the league? That was a complete mindfuck. I guess I kind of assumed that he and Tiki retired together.

Sidenote 2 - Who wins in a smiling contest Hines Ward or Ronde? Those guys just love to play football.

Dallas @ Houston -3 - This has trap game written all over it but I don’t give a fuck. I watched the Cowboys play last week and they Stink. Jason Garret somehow went from the genius of offense to a 5 year old doodling with crayons in a matter of minutes. Must be all that time he’s been spending with Shit For Brains Phillips. Dumb is contagious people, be careful.

Continue reading “Week 3 NFL Picks” »

I’m pretty sure if I keep dominating with my picks I can get the girl on the left to be my girlfriend, so I got that going for me me which is nice.  And gambling is legal is Las Vegas, so it looks like it’s a match made in heaven.

Pittsburgh +3.5 vs Miami

Boston College +4 vs Virginia Tech

Arkansas +7 vs Alabama

Notre Dame +4.5 vs Stanford

California +7 vs Arizona

Nevada -4 vs BYU

South Carolina +3 vs Auburn

Last Week 6-2-1

Season 15-4-2

Steelers vs Titans Under 37.5 - Both defenses are back and both qb’s are suspect. As long as Pitt keeps CJ from breaking long ones this game is going to be real low scoring.

Week 2 action coming Hot!

We’re playing my favorite picking game today at The Hot Glove. Bold Prediction and Not So Bold Prediction.

Lets get to the picks…

Bills +13.5 @ Green Bay

Bold Prediction - Ryan Grant’s injury hurts the Packers more than people think and they miss the playoffs

Not so bold prediction - Trent Edwards will throw an interception and generally suck.

Chiefs  @ Browns-1

BP – The Chiefs have a huge let down from Monday night and lose by 3 touchdowns

NSBP – Eric Mangini looks like he has to take shit for 3 hours straight

Ravens @ Bengals +3

BP – The Bengals still win the AFC North this year

NSBP – Chad Ochocinco laughs at least 10 times and Ray Lewis looks like he wants to murder an innocent puppy

Eagles @ Lions +6

BP – Lions win this game outright

NSBP – Andy Reid’s man tits stay a cool 66 degrees in the climate controlled Ford Field

Steelers +5.5 @ Titans

BP – Dennis Dixon leads the Steelers to a 4-0 record and Big Ben comes back to lose his first 2, Quarterback controversy.

NSBP – Big Ben grows his hair out and looks like a combination of chunk from the goonies, Gordon gecko, and a gigantic booger.

Continue reading “Week 2 Picks, Some Bold Predictions and Not So Bold Predictions” »