The world’s shortest man, He Ping Ping from Inner Mongolia China, has died at the age of just 21. He measured just 2′ 5” (73cm), and was recognised as the world’s shortest man by Guinness World Records in 2008.

He died earlier this month in Rome after being hospitalised suffering from chest pains while filming a TV show.

“From the moment I laid on eyes on him, I knew he was someone special,” said Craig Glenday, Guinness World Records editor-in-chief.

“He had such a cheeky smile and mischievous personality, you couldn’t help but be charmed by him. For such a small man, he made a huge impact around the world.” Glenday added that He was “an inspiration to anyone considered different or unusual”.

One of He’s most remarkable photos was taken during the 2008 launch of the latest Guinness World Book of Records, when he sat beneath Svetlana Pankrtova of Russia, who holds the record for the world’s longest legs at 52 inches.

He was also pictured in 2007 meeting the world’s tallest man, Bao Xishun, 56, who is also from Inner Mongolia and stands 7′ 9” (236cm) tall.

Speaking in 2007, He’s father said that when He was born in Wulanchabu city in 1988 he was small enough to fit in an adult palm. He was later diagnosed with the bone deformity known as osteogenesis imperfecta. His name, Ping Ping, comes from the Mandarin for wine bottle. He was known to be a very heavy smoker.

A 17-year-old boy from Nepal is already poised to succeed He’s title when he reaches 18 later this year. Khagendra Thapa Magar is just 22 inches tall compared to He’s 29.

If recognised, Magar stands to surpass the all time record for the world’s shortest man, set by Gul Mohammed of India, who was 22.4 inches tall.

What a loss. I was still upset about the Badgers losing to Cornell but this really puts shit into perspective. I guess it’s true, the good ones always do die young.

I just wish someone had had the foresight to have an intervention with Ping Ping about his smoking. His lung’s were probably the size of my pinky, meaning one cig was probably a year off his life. I mean the dude had it all, guaranteed to be the funniest guy in the room no matter what, got to look up chick’s skirts all days, and probably had like 20 girlfriends. He just had to have it all and smoke too. I guess he figured you can only be so cool being the shortest guy in the world but if you’re the shortest smoker in the world, well that’s pretty damn cool.

I mean Smoker’s are cool, everyone knows that.

March 17, 2010

AZ man convicted of pulling over off-duty officer

An Arizona man accused admonishing motorists of traffic laws while posing as a police officer apparently picked the wrong driver to pull over.

A Maricopa County jury on Tuesday found 62-year-old David Word guilty of impersonating a lawman for pulling over an off-duty police officer. Sentencing is set for May 5.

Avondale police officer Matt Lydic says he was on his way to work in his personal vehicle last May when Word pulled him over while driving a black Ford Crown Victoria equipped with lights and a siren. Lydic says Word told him to slow down, then drove away.

The officer noticed police-style equipment in the car and copied down the license plate, which came back registered to Word. Police arrested Word at his home in Surprise.

Word was acquitted of pulling over a state liquor board member for driving in an interstate carpool lane.

I hate David Word

I’m a Cops fanatic. In my life I have probably watched somewhere between 10 and 20 million episodes of Cops, No exaggeration.

With this obsession comes countless fantasies involving law enforcement, and  impersonating a police office is right up there at number 1. I would equip the Avalon with a real loud siren and radio, get a shotgun and just cruise the street’s laying down Big Cat Law. And I would be crooked as all hell, taking bribes, shaking down skateboarders, smoking crack, the whole nine.

So with that said, I ask this, What the fuck David Word??? Pulling over a state liquor board member for driving in an interstate carpool lane? What were there no jaywalkers that day? I mean David Word had it all, he had the siren and police equipment, he had the balls to impersonate an officer and he completely blew it.

Honestly, if you’re going to impersonate a cop you have to be a badass cop. Of course everyone knows you’re not a real police officer when you’re telling people to slow down. That’s bullshit, a real cop pulls them over, searches their car, finds 5 kilos of weed, fights them to the ground, pepper sprays them, then takes them downtown to be booked. Pretty simple if you ask me.

PS

Number 2 fantasy is grabbing a cops gun in a dunkin donuts line and then just calmly handing it back to him. Let him know he should never sleep on this cat.

CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. —

A city police spokeswoman said Sunday that Officer Clayton Holmes had been checking traffic speeds with radar and stopped to fill out a report when he felt his car shaking. He found a bulldog chewing on the tires.

After the dog attacked two passing cars and a second police car, officers used pepper spray and a Taser on it, but the animal wasn’t deterred.

By the time McCamey Animal Center staffers captured that dog and two others, it had chewed two tires and the entire front bumper off Holmes’ patrol car.

Officer Rebecca Royval said the dogs got out of a fence at a nearby welding shop. The owner was cited and the dogs were removed.

Get me these dogs right now. We could just cruise Chicago causing problems and roughing shit up. The one dog that is taser and pepper spray resistant could be my lead dog and if he ever gets in a bind I’ll just have my other two dogs get him out of trouble.

Robbing Banks, intimidating cab drivers, drinking beers, eating steaks, me and these dogs would just destroy this City. They’re so tough they could probably eat chocolate cake all day long and still be able to pick up hot chicks at night.

Who was the first man to walk on the moon? Apparently, 1 out of 10 U.K. schoolchildren thought it was Toy Story‘s Buzz Lightyear, and not Neil Armstrong, who took that first one small step for man, The London Telegraph reported.

OK, so maybe their confusion makes a little sense. After all, the second man to walk on the moon was Buzz Aldrin.

Buzz Aldrin, Buzz Lightyear … easy to get them mixed up, right?

But that doesn’t explain the other answers given by 1,000 primary and secondary school children who had been tested in advance of National Science and Engineering Week. Other candidates given as possible moon men were Sir Richard Branson, cyclist Lance Armstrong and even Star Wars‘ Luke Skywalker.

I’m not going to lie, when first I read the title of this article I couldn’t figure out why Buzz Lightyear was the wrong answer. I just sat at my computer thinking, I’m pretty sure Buzz Lightyear was the first man on the moon. Not sure if I should be admitting that but then again I’m in the elite few, it’s the other 9 out of 10 that are a bunch of losers if you ask me.

I have a serious problem with this question though. First of all, you say Buzz and I think moon, total trick question. Second, Buzz Lightyear is like god to little kids. I dressed up as Buzz Lightyear for Halloween two years ago and I had little kids literally chasing me down Clark Street. I guess it makes sense, because 9 of them loved toy story and the tenth thought I had been on the moon. I just feel kind of bad for that last kid, he probably thinks all you have to do to be an astronaut is drink natty ice and smoke cigarettes, little did he know you also have to be able to take shots of whiskey and be a really good dancer.

Crestview, FL, United States (AHN) — Real friends don’t rob friends who text them, a hard lesson learned by one Florida man.

According to reports, the Crestview, FL, man texted a female friend that he would not be home until 5 p.m. She told the man she would wait for him at his place. When he got home he realized she had taken his computer, a calculator, a camcorder and a leather bag.

The victim texted her again demanding his property, to which she responded, “Good luck finding me,” according to the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office.

The incident occurred in February, but authorities arrested Jennifer Lovett March 11. Lovett had already pawned the computer and leather bag.

Lovett, from Mississippi, was charged with burglary of an unarmed dwelling, larceny and dealing stolen property.

God I love the balls on this girl. Just taking this guy’s shit and not even thinking twice about rubbing it in his face first chance she gets. And I love the set up too, she texts him saying she will be waiting for him when he gets home, so this guy is probably thinking he’s getting laid after a hard day’s work and then BOOM, your shit’s gone. And not only is it gone but it’s already been pawned, and there’s no chance in hell you’re going to find the person who took it.  Just an absolute Hurricane through this guy’s life. He probably just started crying like a big pussy immediately when he got home, knowing he doesn’t have the skills or determination to catch this woman.

I just wish we could get this chick and ear biter in the same room. I’d pay good money to see that fight.

ST. PAUL (WCCO) ―

A Rochester woman has been charged with third-degree assault after police say she bit part of a man’s ear off.

St. Paul Police responded to the scene around 4:22 a.m. Sunday at the Uptowner Café, at Grand and Lexington. Police spoke with a man who said a woman bit part of his ear off then put the piece of his ear in her mouth.

He told police he was dining at the Café, next to a table of four women. He stated that he didn’t know the women but a friend of his commented about how one of the women was eating French fries.

At this point, one woman, later identified as Susan Mukuhi Mwarabu, 30, looked over at his friend. The man said she appeared to be intoxicated.

She then walked up to the man’s friend, leaned down, licked his face and appeared as if she was going to throw up, according to the man.

He said she then turned towards him and licked his ear. As he moved back away from her, Mwarabu bit off part of his ear. He told police he was bleeding and in shock at what had happened.

An employee of the Café then told the women to leave. A friend of the man said he saw Mwarabu pick up the piece of his ear off the ground and put it in her mouth.

Spare me the bullshit here guy. Let’s be honest, your friend didn’t say something about the girls eating french fries, you called this woman fat. There is no way thats not exactly what happened. I mean women are crazy and all but they don’t go around just biting men’s ears all day long.

This guy broke the cardinal rule of man – women relations. Never call a woman fat while she is eating. This chick probably had a girl’s night out and didn’t get hit on as much as she would like, maybe even had to buy herself a few drinks, gasp! So she and the gals went to the diner for a little grub and because she was sporting a slightly bruised ego she decided to go wild and get the bacon cheeseburger.

Then this guy, in a total amateur move, made a comment and got his ear bitten off. I would say this is a pretty cut and dry case, no judge would ever find this woman guilty.

Hey Dude, learn your lesson, every guy knows you don’t make fun of a girl’s weight when she is eating, you wait until she is putting on that dress she used to fit in.

PS

Love the move of picking the ear up and putting it in your mouth. This woman is a pro, she knows that in order to plead insanity you have to do something crazy at the scene of the crime.  She’s a criminal mastermind if you ask me.

Yesterday, British newspaper the Daily Mail reported on an Old Bridge, NJ resident’s current goal: To weigh 1,000 pounds in two years. But now she tells the Post that it might be an impossible dream. Donna Simpson, 42, who is currently 604 pounds, says, “When you have a 3-year-old daughter and you’re trying to run a household, things like this tend to be a fantasy… This whole thousand-pound goal has gotten blown way out of proportion”

In the Daily Mail interview, Simpson said, “My favorite food is sushi, but unlike others I can sit and eat 70 big pieces of sushi in one go… I do love cakes and sweet things, doughnuts are my favorite,” and revealed that she supported her $750/week food bill with money from her website “where men pay her to watch her eat fast food.” She explained, “I love eating and people love watching me eat. It makes people happy, and I’m not harming anyone.” MyFoxNY visited Simpson in her home last night: She says that one of her online fans sent her his credit card numbers to buy food!

As for the attention and support Simpson’s been getting, Simpson says she just wants to be recognized as the largest woman who gave birth—she was 532 pounds when she had her daughter.

Well you know what they say, Dream big. Goals are Goals, so what if they involve eating 750 dollars worth of food in front of creeps on chat roulette. Why should that stop Donna Simpson from reaching her dream. It’s not like she has responsibilities to take care of. I mean what other time in her life will she be able to chase her dream.  10 years from now she might have a job, family, and household to take care of, meaning she would have literally no time to get fat.

I just wish that during this perfect window of fatness she didn’t already have that twinge of self doubt. Donna, This is Big Cat talking to you directly now, I’m supporting you here, I’m rooting for you. Don’t give me this “it tend’s to be a fantasy” crap. I need you to give it 100% 24/7.  I need you brushing your teeth with twinkies, free-basing pixies sticks and eating whoppers in your sleep. Perverts across the country are counting on you. We can do this Donna, Yes We Can.

PS

I never thought Donna Simpson would admit to loving cakes and sweet things. Total Shocker, I thought she was going to say apples and granola bars. I guess even I can be wrong once in a while.

A new Japanese musical instrument is sweeping the internet and being featured in numerous viral videos. Billed as “the world’s cutest and weirdest musical instrument”, the Otamatone is the world’s newest electronic musical sensation. Invented by Novmichi Tosa for Maywa Denki, the Otamatone is a great toy for kids or an addition to any musician’s arsenal of unique instruments.

To play the Otamatone, you simply place your fingers along the length of the stem. As you move your fingers along the Otamatone’s surface, the pitch and tone of the note changes. Move your fingers down the stem to raise the pitch, and slide them back up to lower it.

You can also squeeze the “head” of the Otamatone, which gives the illusion that the Otamatone is singing. Squeezing the head also changes the tone of the note being played. The sound and playing style used to experiment with the Otamatone has been compared by some people to the Theremin, another type of musical instrument.

Clearly, the Otamatone is meant to look like a single musical note. But the instrument comes in two colors: black (which looks like an eighth note) and white (which looks less like an eighth note and more like a very cheerful little sperm). Considering the fact that this item is Japanese, I’m sure it’s no coincidence that white was selected as a color option.

Despite the fact that the Otamatone hasn’t been on the market for very long, there are a number of videos on YouTube of people playing different songs using this wacky and distinctly Japanese instrument.

I know the Japanese can invent American’s under the table. They have robots making them breakfast, walking their dog, and taking out the trash. If I lived in Japan I would just sit on my couch all day while Robot Big Cat furiously blogged. And you know he would be writing some of the funniest blogs on the internet without even breaking a sweat, just making it look easy all day.

But seriously Japan. What the hell is this? First of all it looks like a sperm, and there is nothing you can tell me to convince me otherwise. There’s no way to play this thing without looking stupid and weirdly sexual at the same time. I’ve stared at the picture of the girl with the sperm in her hands for like 5 minutes now and I still cant figure out what’s going on or how to properly play this thing.

Also, what the hell happened to the recorder? Come on Japan, don’t fix what ain’t broken. I mean you can’t get a better instrument than the recorder. To this day you could hand me a recorder and I’ll spit out a Hot Cross Buns that will make you cry. I probably should be sitting backstage at Carnegie Hall right now getting ready for my 300^th straight recorder sell out, just kicking it with recorder groupies, living the high life. I was like a recorder virtuoso.

COLUMBUS, Ohio — A Columbus man was scheduled to be arraigned on Friday after he was accused of assaulting children inside a Walmart store.

Ralph Conone was charged with assault, 10TV’s Brittany Westbrook reported.

Police said that the latest incident occurred on Wednesday at about 7 p.m. inside the store, located at 2700 Bethel Road.

According to investigators, Conone, 68, has frequented the store since January. They said he struck the children in the head with a closed fist with a key protruding from it.

Police said that Conone struck at least four children on Wednesday.

All four assaults were captured by the store’s surveillance cameras, Westbrook reported.

Videotape from one of the incidents showed a mother walking into an aisle. Her child, who was standing by a shopping cart, was then struck by the man.

In another video, a child could be seen grabbing his head after he was struck in the same manner.

Police said that a mother of two of the alleged victims chased Conone, who was then taken into custody.

“It appears to be one strike and, if the child makes a noise, then (the man) would turn around and walk away,” said Columbus police Sgt. John Hurst. “He stated he does this because of the excitement - being able to do it - and get away with it with their parents right there.”

The mother of two of the alleged victims said her son received a laceration on his head, but was not seriously injured.

“I asked (my son) where did he hit you?” the mother said. “He said ‘My head.’ He said he hit him in the back of the head. I took the hat off and I see he’s bleeding so I’m hysterical.”

Police were not releasing the Conone’s photo because they believe there may be other victims, and do not want to compromise witness ability to identify him, Westbrook said.

Police said that they hoped other victims would come forward.

When you read this story you have to feel bad for these kids, which I do, but I also feel bad for this old guy. God gave him a talent, being able to one shot little kids, and he is letting that talent flourish. If this guy lived on the Jersey Shore theyd be making reality shows about him. So what if its 4-7 year old children, one shot is one shot, and this guy is the one shot king of Ohio. Kid should have put his hands up. Everyone knows you cant just walk around WalMart with your guard down, thats how you get a face full of old man.

I also want to apologize to Asia, it’s like Walmart knew that I had just crowned Asia weirdest place in the world and came back at me with this story. This type of shit can ONLY happen at a WalMart. Definitely the weirdest place on the planet. Almost makes pillow wives seem sort of normal.

“There’s been a lot of scandals involving flight attendants of late, from prostitution rings to half-nude photos to upcoming reality shows. Thankfully, the flight crew on Canada’s Air Transat is bringing some class and decorum back to the profession. On a flight from Montreal to Puerto, the Air Transat crew refused to examine a passenger’s scrotum, despite his earnest pleas to do so.

The ballsy request occurred just over two years ago, but the judicial matters surrounding it have only just been settled. Shortly after takeoff, a male passenger felt a strange pain. He went to the lavatory and saw that he was bleeding, and it appeared to be coming from his genitals. He asked for a male flight attendant to assist him, but the flight attendant refused to examine his junk and simply provided him with absorbent towels. Upon arriving in Mexico, the man went to a hospital where he learned he had ruptured a vein near his scrotum. The injury required three stitches, but the man claimed the incident on the plane ruined his entire trip with his wife and made him anxious about flying. (Question: If he was traveling with his wife, why didn’t he just have her check his boy parts?)

The man sued Air Transat and the flight screw for $8,000 (Canadian) for the anguish the incident caused him, but last week a judge ruled against him, dismissing the case and ordering him to pay Air Transat’s court costs. Sometimes veins near scrotums rupture, but also, sometimes justice prevails.”

I dont get what the big deal is here. Guy on a plane wants his balls touched so he asked a hot stewardess to check them out for him. Sounds about right to me.

Wait? His balls were bleeding? And he asked a male attendant instead of his own wife? Are you serious dude??? What the fuck is going on here? I got totally roped into reading an article that I thought was going to be some creepy perv trying to get his bell rung by some hot stewardess. It sounded like the beginning of a sweet porno and next thing you know I’m reading about bleeding balls and male cupping. Talk about being blind sided, I need to lay down.

Sidenote

Is this the ultimate test of your shitty marriage? Something’s wrong with your balls and instead of asking for your wife’s help you go ask a male stewardess. I understand if it was a doctor or a murse, but I’m pretty sure a male stewardess cant help with your bleeding balls.