Monday Morning NFL Rewind
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Tebow time or monkey riding on a dog time?
Carolina 28, Houston 13: Oh yeah, forgot T.J. Yates is still T.J. Yates
Washington 23, NY Giants 10: You know that friend that starts dating a girl and he changes his entire personality. Starts reading books and finger painting and doing yoga and shit. Then the girl breaks up with him and you finally get your real friend back, not the one that was living a lie. I feel like we finally got our old friend back Sunday and I for one couldn’t be happier.
Miami 30, Buffalo 23: One more week. That’s all it would have taken for the world to see Sunglasses in Snow. What a shame.
Seattle 38, Chicago 14: You smell that??? Smells like playoffs.
Sidenote - Caleb Hanie is Extraordinarily bad at being a quarterback. Good thing he doesn’t have to do that for a living or anything.
New Orleans 42, Minnesota 20: The Saints are good at tackle football.
Cincinnati 20, St. Louis 13: Hot Mic!!!
Indianapolis 27, Tennessee 13: I think my favorite part about the Colts winning a game was every analyst treating the Titans like a dog that just took a shit on the rug. I thought Chris Collinsworth was going to get a concussion, that’s how hard he was shaking his head when Al Michaels asked him about the Titans.
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NFL Monday Morning Rewind
Denver 13, Chicago 10: If you look at this boxscore you would say to yourself, OMG, Tim Tebow and Jesus did it again. They made the impossible possible. Well, sort of. If Tim Tebow was Matt Prater and Jesus was Marion Barber playing awful football. Then yes, that is exactly what happened.
Sidenote - Is it too much to ask for an NFL announcer or ESPN pundit to point out the simple fact that Tim Tebow only plays well against prevent defense? That’s whats happening here yet I haven’t heard anyone say one word about it. Having the accuracy of a 7 year old girl doesn’t matter as much when the cornerbacks are playing 15 yards off the line of scrimmage.
Houston 20, Cincinnati 19: TJ Yates made a last minute comeback clinching the Texans first ever playoff berth and his entire family was in attendance, sitting on the moon watching dots run around on a field.
Sidenote - Marv Albert announcing football never doesn’t blow my mind
NY Jets 37, Kansas City 10: The Chiefs entire season summed up in one kickoff.
New Orleans 22, Tennessee 17: Matt Hasselback got injured with a strained leg, which is something I get injured with every single day of my life. Its called being out of shape Matt, don’t bullshit a bullshitter.
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Cincinnati Basketball Won The Weekend
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Cincinnati president Gregory H. Williams issued a statement saying he was “extremely disappointed” with the players’ conduct.
“I appreciate Coach Cronin’s strong postgame comments, and I want to support his position that this behavior is not what we expect of representatives of the University of Cincinnati,” Williams said.
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Umm sorry to break it to you Gregory H. Williams but this is exactly what I expect of Cincinnati Basketball.
Bearcat basketball is back baby! Relevant is relevant.
How Awkward Will Lakers Practice Be Today?
Nice shirt Kobe, remind me again who your favorite NBA player is?
How awkward is Lakers Camp going to be today? You can tell me that the Lakers have a GM and that Kobe doesn’t make trades but come on, that Chris Paul for Pau trade was 100% Kobe. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone hate another person as much as Kobe hates Pau. He calls him out in public, he yells at him in huddles, and right before the season starts he does everything he can to get him traded. This is sort of like that scene from Almost Famous when the band’s plane is going down and everyone spills their soul and then the plane lands safely meaning everyone has to deal with the things they said the moment before they thought it was all ending. Kobe just told Pau he despises everything about him only to have Pau stay on his team and show up to the practice the next morning. To say I’m excited about this would be a gross understatement.
PS
Kobe and Pau aside this whole trade veto thing is setting an incredibly poor precedent. I hate the Lakers and even I was able to step outside my incredibly biased shell and realize that the trade was fundamentally fair on all sides. Like look at this quote explaining David Stern’s rationale.
The early consensus from most experts was that the Demps had received good value in return for Paul, while the Lakers were taking a big gamble by giving up so much. Several GMs believed the Hornets received a good return considering their lack of leverage.
“The owners half-pushed this through, and Stern took it the rest of the way,” a league source said. ”In the end, David didn’t like that the players were dictating where they wanted to go. He wasn’t going to let Chris Paul dictate where he wanted to go.”
Actually, nevermind. That makes sense. We wouldn’t want a player dictating where he goes. If we did that then next thing you know we would have all star Shooting Forwards demanding midseason trades to New York City. That would be the worst.
PPS
I’m so sick of Dan Gilbert. It was cool for him to rip Lebron and publicly complain about that situation but then he never stopped. He complains about fairness every chance he gets. Dude, you bought the Cleveland Cavaliers. No shit things aren’t going to be fair. Your team is located in Cleveland. You can’t by a small market team then constantly bitch about fairness. That’s patently absurd. You knew the way things work before you put one dollar into the Cavs.
NFL Monday Morning Rewind
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Ugh.
Denver 35, Minnesota 32: Did Tim Tebow do it again or did Tim Tebow do it again?
Sidenote - Lets all just pretend that the Vikings are a real NFL team this year. It helps with the whole Tim Tebow mystique.
Also, this was awesome.
NY Jets 34, Washington 19: You want to win with Rex you have to be prepared to lose with Rex and when you lose with Rex, woof.
Sidenote - I would say 46 pass attempts is probably a little high for Rex Grossman but then again you have to ride the hot hand right?
Kansas City 10, Chicago 3: Good thing Matt Forte was able to get that new contract before he injured his knee or something. Phew! That was a close one. Also, can we all just agree that the knock it down thing doesn’t work anymore? How about instead of knock it down you just pick it off, or would that make too much sense?
Tennessee 23, Buffalo 17:
Houston 17, Atlanta 10: All TJ Yates does is win. Fact.
Carolina 38, Tampa Bay 19: Cam Newton set the record for rushing touchdowns by a quarterback. Remember when we all thought he was going to be awful? Awkwarddd.
Miami 34, Oakland 14: Miami continues its run as proverbial turd in the punchbowl but more importantly they helped Tim Tebow’s chances of playing playoff football and we all know if Tim Tebow gets in the playoffs the Super Bowl is just about wrapped out.
Techno Viking
- B
Chris Kaman looks like he lost a fight with a truck
- Anonymous
Couldn’t be more depressing
- dubya