(Newser) – An apparently drunk senior UN official tore into his colleagues, the organization, and Americans in general last week at a retreat at an Alpine ski resort, according to Foreign Policy. “I know you never liked me Mr. Secretary-General,” declared Sha Zukang, the undersecretary general for Economic and Social affairs, in a toast to Ban Ki-Moon. “Well, I never liked you either.” Horrified officials tried to coax Sha to put down the microphone, but he waved them off. “It went on for about ten or fifteen minutes but it felt like an hour,” said one UN official.

Then he singled out Bob Orr, an American in the secretary-general’s office and said, “I really don’t like him; he’s an American, and I really don’t like Americans.” He went on to praise both Orr and Moon—“I’m coming to admire some things about you,” he offered the secretary-general—but the damage was done. “This raises questions about whether China is a mature power,” said one diplomat. “The Chinese need to think about this.”

Hey Sha Zukang, I remember when I had my first beer too. Seriously dude, no one gives a shit who you like and don’t like, you’re the Undersecretary of Economics and Social Affairs. Honestly, give me a call when you make secretary, then maybe you’ll get my attention.

Fucking undersecretaries man, give them a microphone and they start popping off like they they own the joint. Guy doesn’t even make the copies in his office, he just warms up the fax machine for the real secretary to come in and work that shit. Please dude, grow up.

• Fried cheese melt, made with four fried mozzarella sticks and melted American cheese grilled between two slices of sourdough bread. It is served with French fries and a side of marinara sauce, $4

I fucking love it. America has an obesity problem and every fast food company says fuck it, we’re getting fatter. KFC did the double down, McDonalds came out with god knows what, now Denny’s is stepping up to the plate. That’s the American way, tell us we can’t do something. Fine, we’ll not only do it but we’ll stomp on your dick while doing so. Grill Cheese not fatty enough for you? Perfect, we’ll just add more cheese, except this time we’re frying it first.

And everyone tries to say Americans are a bunch of fat dumb idiots. Would fat dumb idiots put mozzerella sticks inside a grill cheese? I don’t fucking think so. That’s the work of a genius right there.

USA, USA, USA!!!!

Citizens who wish to make a general donation to the U.S. government may send contributions to a specific account called “Gifts to the United States.” This account was established in 1843 to accept gifts, such as bequests, from individuals wishing to express their patriotism to the United States. Money deposited into this account is for general use by the federal government and can be available for budget needs. These contributions are considered an unconditional gift to the government.

I wonder if they accept broken X-Box’s? Does that count as a bequest? Sure sounds like one. So to further prove my undying love for my country I bequest my broken X-Box to America.

Pretty sure it’s a rule that if you give a gift you can commit any crime you want*

*The great thing about having my own blog is that I can put anything on the internet, and everyone knows that if its on the internet it has to be true.

No better place in the world.

So that baby Kobayashi decided not to show this year. Is it any surprise that as soon as America whooped his ass a couple of years he decided to stop competing? That’s called quitting where I come from, and its completely un-american. So good riddance Kobayashi, the show must go on.

This years competition is Joey Chestnut and everyone else. -1000 odds to win for Chestnut is a fools bet, yeah he is almost guaranteed to win but what if theres a freak accident? What if he finds a hair in one of his dogs, Or gets hungry halfway through? Not worth the risk.

So lets pick a second place finisher and win some money. Patrick Bertolliti is the favorite for second place at even money but I’m going with a little bit of a long shot and that chick Sonya Thomas +500. I feel like she’s been close a couple of times recently and I’m pretty sure she is like 3 feet tall which is impressive as fuck that she can eat that many dogs.

So lets pound some processed pig and cow asshole sonya, daddy needs a new pair of shoes.

I’ll be back to handicap one of my favorite random betting events, the hot dog eating competition. And yes I’m serious I have bet on that thing before, free money is free money, especially when Joey Chestnut is whooping that ass for the red white and blue.

Have a great holiday weekend, lets hope the Big Cat doesn’t blow his fingers off and can still blog on Tuesday morning. Pray for me….

Big Cat’s Holiday Rankings

1. Thanksgiving

2. 4th of July

3. St. Patty’s Day

1,678. Florida’s Anniversary of Statehood Day

The only reason 4th of July is number 2 and not number 1 is because Thanksgiving has football and I love football.

Thanksgiving aside though, does it get any better than the 4th of July? Just thinking about it gets me all pre-cummy. Beer, BBQ, Babes, Fireworks, America!

I mean we all know we live in the greatest country in the world, but its rare that you get to celebrate that fact by getting shitfaced and blowing stuff up. It’s the perfect way to celebrate the perfect country. Just get crazy and let everyone know you run shit, which is exactly what Americans have been doing for the past 500 years.  Getting loud, getting shitfaced, and running the show. USA, USA, USA!!!

See That Glow? Thats America

Pretty sure Ghana cheated like all game long, no other explanation for losing because clearly we’re better. Oh and I’m also pretty sure ever player on Ghana has a career ending injury after they flopped for the past 30 minutes.

So long soccer, see you in 4 years.

PS

Alexi Lallas was legit crying in the booth after the game. Relax bro, it was just a soccer match.

Time for the US soccer powerhouse to keep on dominating. I have watched hours of tape on this Game and I just see no way we don’t win, we’re too fast, too smart, and too awesome for Ghana to hang with us. Just no way no how the greatest country in the world loses to Ghana, I’ll kill myself, straight up.

My prediction, USA in 1-0 dominating romp.

USA USA USA!!!!