(Full Story at Deadspin) There’s a celebrity in the foot-fetish world who posts videos with titles like “Hot Mature Sexy Feet.” The videos feature a woman who looks like Jets coach Rex Ryan’s wife, Michelle — and, in one, a man offscreen who sounds like Rex.

And this is exactly why I love the Internet. Yesterday I said that the lady who eats toilet paper on the reg was the creepiest thing ever. Well not so fast Big Cat. Because little did we know Rex Ryan is out there making Foot Fetish movies like he is the James Cameron of the Foot Porno game.

And you know what. I’m secretly kind of jealous of Rex Ryan. Not that he gets rock hard from rubbing his wife’s feet, thats fucking gross. No, I’m jealous that Rex Ryan does whatever the fuck he wants whenever the fuck he wants. Like you always here people saying they don’t care what other people think, but at the end of the day you know its complete bullshit. Well not Rex. Rex actually doesn’t give a fuck. Be morbidly obese, who cares? Swear like a sailor, who cares? Be a cocky asshole, who cares? Make foot pornos with my wife and put them on youtube, who cares?

So really when you think about it everyone kind of wishes they were Rex Ryan. Just a fat bumbling idiot walking through life not giving a fuck what anyone else in the world thinks. Bravo Rex, Bravo.

PS

How pissed do you think this lady is? If you don’t think there is an intense rivalry in the foot porno vs hand porno game you are out of your skull. Its like Duke vs UNC but with far less perverts.

Wait, what??? Is this real life right now? I feel like this must be a joke or something. Does this lady really take down a roll of bounty single ply every single day? Fuck, and I thought I was nuts because I drink iced coffee in December. Kind of puts a whole new perspective on weird.

Then again I’ve never eaten toilet paper before so I guess I shouldn’t knock it until I try it. I’m just scared I’ll get addicted to the taste. I mean if it happened to Kesha it could happen to anyone. It starts as a fun little taste and next thing you know I’m homeless, friendless, and balls deep in charmin.

PS

I love when Kesha tries to convince her sister to try it, like its a fucking blow pop or something. Sorry Kesha, pretty sure no one else on the planet wants to eat toilet paper.

PPS
I’m pretty sure TLC realized a while ago that Discovery is way better, so their business model became weirding the fuck out of everyone. Seems to be working, you know, if you’re into eating toilet paper.

Dear Artist,

Intrigued? Boy am I. But here is what I propose. Just spitting on you sounds so lame and mainstream. People spit on each other all the time. Do you want to be edgy and different? I thought so.

So, with that said, I’m going to go out to Walgreens and buy myself about 10 pounds of those sour skittles. You know the kind, the ones that make your face wince. Then, I’m going to eat every last one of those skittles, after which I will have the best/gooest/rainbowtastic spit you’ve ever seen in your life. This spit will be so good you’ll be having wet dreams about it for the rest of your life, and thats a promise.

intrigued?

Big Cat

PS

I know you’re looking for a geek, nerd, hipster or punk but I just assumed a degenerate, barely literate blogger would do the trick.

Holla at me.

I’m Old Gregggg. Not going to lie this video is long  but it is about the weirdest thing I have ever seen.

Thanks to biffy for the vid

You know what’s great about the internet? Sometimes you may be having a bad day, feeling a little down on yourself, maybe a little tired/hungover and then you stumble on something like this and you can’t help but say to yourself “You know life isn’t that bad, at least I’m not having an argument with my unborn fetus on facebook”. Kind of puts shit into perspective.

PS

Power move by Brad refusing to argue with his unborn daughter. That’s how you let your kid know who calls the shots from a real young age.

A 29-year-old Brooklyn native has started a movement in Union Square, where everyday from 2 to 6 p.m., he will let you sit on his face, all in the name of world peace.

Guy just likes girls to sit on his face, what the big deal? Some people like traditional forms of affection like hand holding and kissing, some like a butthole in their eyeball.

PS

This guy is some sort of evil genius huh? Like you know he thought of this after he got shot down for the thousandth time asking some girl to sit on his face at a bar. Thought, shit, I’ll just say its for world peace and hot chicks will be using me as their lazy boy for the rest of my life.

I mean look at him, he’s the happiest guy in the world, sniffing butts 24/7.

Isn’t this entrapment or double jeopardy or something? At the very least its bat shit insane. Only meth heads and serial killers play marco-polo on dry land.

You know at first I was skeptical about this guy. No way can he actually shrink heads for a living. That’s too awesome to be even remotely possible. But then I noticed the Location - Everywhere.

Theres just something I trust about a guy who can shrink heads with no qualms on location. I mean if you’re going to shrink heads you might as well be able to shrink heads everywhere right?

I was just thinking the other day that I am getting a little bored sleeping in an unhaunted house. Like wheres the excitement? Wheres the constant fear and the sleepless nights because you have 60 doll heads creeping you out at all times?

Hey you know the old saying. If life gets boring buy a box of haunted doll heads and let the chips fall where they may.

PS

Pretty sure unhaunted is not a real word. Whatever, its monday, I want to kill myself, and my brain is like a cup of soft serve ice cream on a hot summer day. Unhaunted makes sense to me so it makes sense to you.

Source Old Saybrook, Conn. (WTNH) - A man is under arrest after police say he stood outside the Old Saybrook Walmart and said he was “getting ready to start killing people.”

It happened Thursday around Noon

John Carlo, 28, of Pawcatuck, has been charged with breach of peace and threatening.

Before police arrived, Carlo fled on foot. The area was cordoned off and a K-9 was called in to assist with the search. Carlo was finally found in a walk-in cooler at a nearby gas station.

This is the second incident in as many days at this Walmart store. On Wednesday evening an Old Saybrook woman allegedly threatened to detonate a bomb if a pharmacist didn’t fill her prescription.

Hey John Carlo, get your own act dude, this is Rachel Hudson’s turf. The saybrook Wal-Mart isn’t big enough for the both of you. So go on and scram homeboy, you’re just a cheap knock off.

PS

Nothing says you’re getting ready to start killing people like saying “I’m getting ready to start killing people”. Not really hard to decipher that one.

Tip to Rochey, although I’m starting to think he’s just sitting in the Saybrook parking lot  telling all these people to do these things so that The Hot Glove has material.