Homeboy Is Just Looking For Some Shirts

Hump, Hump, Lawnmower, Hump, Hump, Repeat. You want to know the key to dancing well you just found out because as this guy just showed you its not all about the flashy moves, and technichal difficulty. Dancing is about finding the 1 move that makes all the girl’s horny and then hammering the shit out of it for as long as possible. Eventually they’ll just give in. I know it, this old man knows it, and every babe in the stadium knows it.

Fact - An 80 year old air humping for 2 and a half minutes brings ALL the girls to the yard.

PS

Assuming they’re not the exact same guy - Air Humper vs Hedonism Rick, who ya got?

(Source) A Broward County woman has been arrested and charged after she allegedly set a man’s pants on fire.

Broward Sheriff’s Deputies arrested Berlinda Dixon-Newbold, 38, and charged her with aggravated assault.

According to BSO, Berlinda’s boyfriend, Sheldon Gonzales, was asleep on the couch when he was “awakened by a burning sensation in the crotch of his pants.”

BSO said Sheldon said he then saw Dixon-Newbold standing over him, while holding a lighter over his crotch area with one hand, and holding up the bottom of his shirt with another hand.

She then, he said, proceeded to light his crotch area on fire.

BSO said Sheldon put the fire out with his hands and tried to leave, but was again confronted by Dixon-Newbold at the door.

A neighbor called police after hearing the two arguing, according to police.

The extent of the man’s injury is unclear.

Hold on, did Sheldon Gonzalez have his shoes on? Because if he did you legally can not prosecute Berlinda Dixon-Newbold. Judge will throw this case out of court so fast Sheldon’s burning dick will off. Everyone knows the law. Fuck, its the first thing they teach you in law school. Pass out with your shoes on, anything is fair game.

So I don’t care if Berlinda Dixon was holding a zippo to her boyfriends dick or if she was clambagging his face, if Sheldon Gonzalez wants to sleep in piece Sheldon Gonzalez can take his fucking shoes off, end of story.

PS

Has anyone ever officially decided on the term for female tea bag? Ive heard clambag, clamhat, taco bar. I guess its like beirut/beer pong, one of those regional things.

He’s also a fucking moron but hey, rather balls than brains right?

Yao Ming and the Houston Rockets will examine all options before determining his future after another stress fracture was found in his left ankle Thursday morning. Yao, as is his nature, was upbeat in light of a setback that throws a shadow over his future. “I haven’t died,” he said. “Right now I’m drinking a beer and eating fried chicken. What were you expecting, a funeral?” Only a few days ago, a source close to Yao expected the 7-foot-6 All-Star center to return to action from a bone bruise in his left ankle for the Rockets’ post-Christmas three-game homestand that starts Dec. 27 against the Washington Wizards. Yao was more optimistic, saying he was targeting the team’s three-game road swing through California that begins Sunday. But a routine exam this week discovered his injury, sustained in the first quarter of a Nov. 19 game against the Wizards, was a fracture.

I can not believe it. Yao Ming? Injured? What a turn of events. I never saw this one coming. But in all seriousness, can we finally put an end to this Yao Ming thing? He seems like a nice enough guy and all but he literally can not handle walking 10 feet without breaking his foot. Why keep trying? Its not worth it.  He was good for like two years, and if he didnt jam in Shaq’s face back in the day his hype would have been significantly less.

Its time to hang it up Yao. Take your millions and call it quits. Besides, as hyped up as you were I still would take Eric Montross or Michael Olowakandi over your ass every day and twice on Sunday.

PS

I do have to give Yao credit for his attitude. When life hands Yao lemons, or in this case his thousandth broken foot, Yao eats fried chicken and drinks beer.

Fucking Andy Avgi man, kid is  Woodburn High School Legend.

Here’s a lay up to submit a best caption comment. I know there’s a lot of HUGE Colt’s fans on this blog…..

Congrats to Shamalama his Teddy Pendergrass comment stuck it out and won today!

Another Thursday night doozy. One fan base that would rather be surfing (Chargers) and one fan base that is going to be happy eating their granola and talking about what products Tim Lincecum uses for his hair (Giants).  And guess what, neither team is making the playoffs. Take the points and root with the big fat rally pumpkin, its Thursday Night Football time!

San Fran +10 @ Chargers

They have to be right? Like if you gave me the option to hang out with a serial killer or a pug owner for a day I’m going serial killer every time. Yeah Buffalo Bill may murder me and wear my skin as a suit while he puts his finger in his butt and listens to creepy music but then again maybe he is feeling nice that day and decides he’s too tired for murder.

No such luck with pug owners though, those people are weird all day everyday. That’s why they own pugs, so they have someone to do weird shit with 24/7 like dancing to “Your the pug that I want” in a creepy unfinished basement. No thanks.

Editor’s Note - With the conclusion of the college football season our favorite Big Ten Analyst Schwa will be transitioning into a regular Thursday column at The Hot Glove. And because the kid practically has Ranch running through his blood stream that is what we’re going to call it. His articles will be everything you ever wanted and a side of ranch.

You Green?

What?  You think just because football season is all but over I’m just gonna go away?  Surely you jest.  There’s still plenty to talk about, and I’ve got HBO Loop Movies to last a LIFETIME.  And last I checked, daydrinking isn’t going out of style anytime soon.

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LEGENDS OF THE HBO LOOP

As anyone with HBO knows, there’s a certain elite group of movies that are constantly stuck on the loop.  Here, we’ll highlight the best of the best – movies so awesome that you simply can’t say ‘no’.

The Fifth Element

Let’s get the checklist out of the way:

• Hot redhead who can kick your ass
• Flying cars
• Chris Tucker
• Imminent end of the world, and life itself
• The most amazing singer of all time, who just so happens to be some kind of blue alien
• A weapon that should have been included in every video game, ever
• Bruce Willis being a ‘normal dude’ who just so happens to be a weapon of mass destruction
• A steamy Regeneration Chamber sex scene
• A black president

This is literally the list that every A-list movie director in Hollywood follows at one point in their careers.  Because it’s impossible to make a flop if you stick to this plan.  It really does have something for everyone.  And if you add it all up, you get a movie as amazing as The Fifth Element.  I’ve never turned it down.  As is the norm for all of these Legends of the HBO Loop, The Fifth Element is a movie you can pick up at pretty much any point and just enjoy the shit out of it.  I’ll spare you from the straight up plot regurgitation, since you’ve all seen it at least 6,432 times.  Here are the highlights:.

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The ZF-1.  Badass guns of all badass guns.  It’s pretty much like every gun from Turok spliced with that gun that could shoot through walls in Perfect Dark, mixed with the rail gun from Eraser, with a dash of the flamethrower in Saving Private Ryan.  I also fully appreciate that it’s very high tech, but at the same time has some old school attachments - the net, the arrows, etc.  The way I see it, if I’m gonna kill someone with the ZF-1, this is my plan:

1. Trap them with the net (does no pain, but it’s absolutely hilarious and allows you to take your time before tearing them apart)
2. Freeze them (but don’t knock them over yet)
3. Thaw them out with the flamethrower (be careful not to burn them to death, we’re not done yet)
4. Shoot one arrow in each of their thighs:

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.(I can’t WAIT for the Ace Ventura Legend of the Loop feature.  It might be a 10,000 word essay)

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